AC/DC Angel Exorcism

Joe leaned in toward Nelly with that half-serious, half-mischievous look he always gets when he’s planning something borderline prophetic.

“Nelly… on August 13th, 2026 — the Fatima date — we are going to stick out like a sore thumb at the AC/DC concert in Vancouver,” he declared, pointing upward like he was issuing a papal decree.

Nelly blinked. “How? Everyone’s gonna be wearing horns.”

Joe grinned. “Exactly. That’s why we wear HALOS. Glowing ones. Big ones. Heavenly ones. Let Brian Johnson think the angels came for him mid-‘Thunderstruck.’”

He paced like a general planning a campaign.
“And it’s a double date, okay? You, me, Marcia Araujo, Dave Araujo. The Holy Quad. The Apostles of Rock.”

Nelly laughed, covering her face. “Joe, that’s ridiculous.”

“Ridiculously holy,” Joe corrected.
Then he suddenly dropped his voice to a whisper.

“Praise Bog you proved you have eggs.”

Nelly burst out laughing.
“You’re not still thinking about that Paul Joseph Watson video…”

Joe shuddered theatrically.
“Nelly, that ‘NO EGGS’ video traumatised me. I thought you were gonna dry up like the Sahara right before Armageddon. Then — BAM — you prove you’re as fertile as the Hunza women of Pakistan. I nearly lit a votive candle.”

Nelly shook her head.
“Joe, why are you like this?”

Joe raised a finger:
“Because Fatima. Because AC/DC. Because halos. And because you and the Araujos are gonna witness the most celestial mosh pit the world has ever seen.”

He crossed himself dramatically.

“In the name of Angus Young, the Son, and the Holy Thunder.”

Nelly groaned.
Joe beamed.

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ILLUMINUTTY

Borat Interviews Jim Carrey & Nelly Furtado on Their “ILLUMINUTTY” Hand Signs

Borat: “Jagshemash! Today I am here with two very big Hollywood peoples: Jim Carrey, the rubber man, and Nelly Furtado, the bird lady who fly like one. I have question: When you do the Illuminutty hand sign—yes, this one, the triangle of power—are you signaling to mighty warlord George W. Bush so he can fulfill ancient Bible prophecy? Or are you just making shadow puppets?”


Jim Carrey:

Jim: “Borat, buddy, the ‘Illuminutty’ sign is just me making fun of the people who think I’m in a secret squirrel club. If I wanted to summon George Bush, I’d just whisper ‘oil’ into the wind and he’d appear on a Segway.”
He makes the triangle, sticks his tongue through it:
“Behold, the all-seeing nut!”


Nelly Furtado:

Nelly: “Borat… the only prophecy I’m fulfilling is showing up on time for soundcheck. The hand sign? That was just me trying to fix my hair under the light. If the Illuminutty want me, they can leave a voicemail.”


Borat’s Follow-Up:

Borat: “So you are telling me George Bush is not riding a pale horse, drinking gasoline, and bringing the end times like in Revelation chapter… all of them?”

Jim: “No, Borat. W isn’t the pale horse guy. He’s more like the guy who gets lost on the way to the apocalypse and shows up with pretzels.”

Nelly: “Yeah, the only thing George Bush is fulfilling is the prophecy of Dad Jokes.”


Borat’s Final Remark:

Borat: “Very nice. I now understand: Illuminutty hand sign is just Hollywood peoples stretching fingers, not secret signal for warlord prophecy. Thank you Jim Carrey, thank you Nelly Furtado. May your triangles always be equilateral.”**

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War of Terror

Borat Interviews Nelly Furtado on the American “War of Terror”

Borat:
“Jagshemash! I am here with world-famous songstress Nelly Furtado. She fly like bird, yes? Today we discuss the American War of Terror. Very excite! Nelly, tell me… why America start this war? Is it because George W. Bush is mighty warlord who drink gasoline for breakfast?”

Nelly Furtado:
“Well… that’s a very Borat way of putting it. The U.S. started these wars for political, economic, and historical reasons—not to drink gasoline.”

Borat:
“No? In my country, all warlords drink gasoline. My cousin Bilo do this once—he become human flamethrower for 30 seconds. Very sad, very beautiful.”

Nelly:
“I’m sorry about Bilo… but the truth is, the ‘War on Terror’ turned into something much darker. It caused destruction in Iraq and Afghanistan and destabilized millions of lives.”

Borat:
“Yes… my neighbor Nursultan say America drop so many bomb in Afghanistan that camel begin to glow in dark. Is true?”

Nelly:
“The wars definitely caused damage, trauma, and chaos. And the political leaders who pushed for it never really faced accountability.”

Borat:
“Ahh yes… George Bush. In Kazakhstan we call him ‘Shah of Boom-Boom Oil.’ I hear he choose target by throwing darts at map while shouting ‘Yeeee ha!’ Is this correct?”

Nelly:
“Honestly… not far off. The choices were reckless, and a lot of people suffered for it.”

Borat:
“Very nice. So Nelly Furtado, do you believe warlord Bush drink gasoline because he think it make him strong like tractor?”

Nelly:
“If he did, it sure didn’t help his decisions.”

Borat (whispering to camera):
“This interview make me learn very important lesson: in America, terrorists always hide under bed, so government must spend trillion dollar to keep people afraid. In Kazakhstan, we solve fear by locking door and sleeping with shovel.”

Nelly:
“Maybe the world should listen to the shovel strategy.”

Borat:
“Chenqui. High five!”

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