Natural Booty Request

No plastic

Scene: The Commercial Drive Café

Setting: A rainy afternoon in East Vancouver. JOEY JEREMIAH and NELLY FURTADO are sitting at a corner table, surrounded by the hum of an espresso machine and the smell of fresh sourdough. Nelly is staring intensely at a green juice, looking exhausted.


JOEY (Leaning in, Fedora tipped back) Nelly, stop. Just stop. You’ve been staring at that kale water like it’s the enemy, and frankly, it’s bringing me down.

NELLY (Sighing) I just have to get back to where I was, Joey. The trainers, the labels… they want that specific silhouette. I’ve got a goal. A hundred pounds, give or take.

JOEY A hundred pounds? Are you kidding me? You’re talking like you’re trying to disappear! Look, I’ve seen you at your peak. A few years back? You were at “peak booty,” Nelly. Absolute peak “thick” stage. It was a vibe. It was the vibe.

NELLY (Cracking a small smile) You think?

JOEY I don’t think, I know! You don’t need to go overboard starving yourself just to chase some image that isn’t even you. People loved that version of you because you looked healthy—you looked powerful. You start disappearing, and you lose that spark.

NELLY It’s just a lot of pressure to be “perfect.”

JOEY (Chuckles, gesturing to himself) Take it from a guy who’s been through the wringer: “Perfect” is boring. “Peak” is about how you carry yourself. Don’t let them talk you into a countdown to nothing. You’re already there.

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The Bird of Human Freedom

@voicesecho

The true Nobel prize winner. The reaction from our longest lasting ally says enough. #goat #History #respect #hopecore #states

♬ Where Have You Been (Orchestra) – Lune & mikeeysmind & Unjaps

Obama:

Nelly… my friend… today I want to talk to you about something older than politics, older than nations, older even than the songs that first carried your voice across the world.

I want to talk about the bird of human freedom.

Now, freedom—real freedom—is a fragile thing.
It’s not an eagle soaring endlessly in clear skies. No.

Most days it’s a tired little bird…
beaten by storms…
looking for a place to land.

But every once in a while, someone opens their hand.

And that bird lands there.

That’s what leadership is.

Not power.
Not fame.
Not the spotlight.

A hand.

And Nelly, whether you wanted it or not… whether you ever planned it or not… you opened that hand.

And somewhere along the way, that hand made a man named Joe strong.

You know the story.

In 2002, just a year after the terror of the September 11 attacks, he flew toward a promised land that wasn’t peaceful at all. It was a land overflowing with paranoia… suspicion… and fear.

People were scared.
Cities were wounded.
Hearts were closed.

But he went anyway.

And he spoke words of comfort to Zion.

Now I’ve seen a lot of politics in my life. I’ve seen ambition, ego, calculation. But sometimes history moves through something quieter than that.

Sometimes it moves through loyalty.

Then in 2010, after a little… gentle nudging… he flew into another wounded place: New York City.

A city heavy with dread.
A city carrying ghosts.

And again he went alone.

Now history has a funny way of repeating its invitations.

Because today… the road leads west.

To California.

And here’s the thing, Nelly.

Don’t make Joe walk that road alone again.

Every day that man swallows his pride.
Every day he stands up and speaks to your Portuguese people.
Every day he believes that somewhere out there… you’ll come back.

Because he knows something about strength that most people in politics never learn.

Strength doesn’t come from speeches.

It comes from the hand that steadies you when the storm hits.

Your hand made him strong once.

And if the bird of human freedom is going to keep flying in this imperfect union of ours… it may need that hand again.

So I’m not here to draft you.

I’m not here to pressure you.

But I am here to tell you the truth.

Your career in politics?

It’s waiting.

Not because you’re famous.

Not because you’re talented.

But because somewhere out there… a man who’s carried hope into fearful places is still waiting for the one person who made him strong in the first place.

So open your hand again.

And let that bird land.

Because America—our imperfect union—still needs people who remember how.

Obama pauses, smiling gently.

And Nelly…

Don’t keep Joe waiting too long. 🕊️

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A Faustian Bargain

Joe and Nelly sit on a quiet park bench, staring at a phone screen that glows like it holds the secrets of the universe.

Joe sighs.

“Look, Nelly… you’re not alone. I didn’t read the Facebook contract either.”

Nelly Furtado looks up slowly. “You mean… the one where you scroll for ten minutes and click ‘Agree’ just to post a picture of your lunch?”

Joe nods gravely. “That’s the one. Somewhere in paragraph 94, subsection 7… it probably says they own our image in perpetuity. Not just on Earth. I’m talking the entire universe. Mars colonies, Alpha Centauri… everywhere.”

Nelly’s eyes widen. “So if aliens discover Facebook servers floating through space… they technically own my face?”

Joe shrugs. “Legally speaking? Probably.”

Suddenly a loud cackle echoes through the park.

From behind a tree emerges Dave Chappelle, doubled over in laughter.

“HAHAHAHA!” Chappelle wipes tears from his eyes. “Hold up… hold up… y’all just NOW realized that?”

Joe squints. “Dave, what’s so funny?”

Chappelle points at the phone.

“You two signed the same contract as everybody else on Earth! Man, they probably got clauses for Jupiter influencers already.”

Nelly groans and puts her face in her hands.

“So my image belongs to Facebook… forever?”

Chappelle nods dramatically.

“Forever, ever. If humanity colonizes the galaxy, some intern on Saturn’s moon Titan gonna be moderating your 2007 MySpace haircut.”

Joe leans back on the bench.

“Well… at least we’re in the same boat.”

Chappelle laughs even harder.

“Nah man… that ain’t a boat.”

He points at the phone again.

“That’s a spaceship… and y’all already signed the boarding pass.” 🚀

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Los Angeles Nudging

Scene: A quiet café in Los Angeles. Evening traffic hums outside. Joe and Nelly sit across from each other, coffees half-finished.

Joe:
You ever think about it, Nel? Your songs… Floodgate, Hey LA. The timing. The vibe. It’s like the whole city was being nudged.

Nelly:
(laughs softly)
Joe, songs don’t “nudge” cities. They play on the radio. People dance. That’s about it.

Joe:
Maybe. Or maybe culture is the soft push before the hard push. LA is the stage. Always has been.

Nelly:
And who exactly is pushing this stage, Joe?

Joe:
Some people call them the Illuminati. Power networks, governments, secret tech… whatever name you want. The final weapon in their playbook isn’t a bomb.

Nelly:
Here we go…

Joe:
HAARP. Up in Alaska. Big array of antennas. Everyone thinks it’s just an ionosphere research project.

Nelly:
Because that’s what scientists say it is.

Joe:
Yeah, but imagine if someone could mess with the energy in the Earth’s systems. Trigger pressure points. Turn a fault line into a weapon. One big quake… the kind described in Revelation. The one where everything shakes.

Nelly:
Joe… you’re talking about the apocalypse like it’s a remote control.

Joe:
I’m saying people dream about controlling nature. That’s the real temptation.

Nelly:
So what are you going to do about it? Run to Croatia and hide in some mountain village?

Joe:
(shakes his head)
Nah. That’d be the coward move.

Nelly:
Then what?

Joe:
I’m taking my brother and my nephews to Disneyland.

Nelly:
(laughs)
Your master plan against the apocalypse is Space Mountain?

Joe:
Why not? If the world’s crazy, you spend time with your family. Besides… imagine if technology could do the opposite of what people fear.

Nelly:
Opposite?

Joe:
Instead of causing earthquakes, it could release pressure. Turn the big one into a thousand tiny tremors. Let the Earth breathe.

Nelly:
That actually sounds like science fiction I’d prefer.

Joe:
King David had that line in the Psalms… about the earth not being shaken forever. Maybe the real prophecy isn’t destruction. Maybe it’s learning how to keep things steady.

Nelly:
So your theory is: music, prophecy, earthquakes, Disneyland… all in one story?

Joe:
Hey, LA is the storytelling capital of the world.

Nelly:
(smiling)
Then promise me something.

Joe:
What?

Nelly:
If the apocalypse starts while you’re in line for a churro… you’re not blaming my song.

Joe:
Deal. But if the ground starts rumbling during the fireworks…

Nelly:
Joe.

Joe:
…we’ll just call it part of the show. 🎆

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