Scene: A quiet evening on the balcony
(The sun is setting over the Adriatic. Joe sits with Mary, a cup of herbal tea in his hands. His tone is gentle, thoughtful.)
Joe: You know, Mary… there’s something I never really told you. The reason I asked for your help wasn’t just curiosity. It was about my cousin Anita’s little girl back home in Croatia. She was born with Down’s syndrome.
Mary: (softly) Oh Joe… I didn’t know.
Joe: Yeah. She’s… she’s the sweetest soul you could ever meet. Always smiling, always humming songs she makes up on the spot. But there’s one thing that’s been breaking my heart—knowing that most kids like her don’t live as long as they should. It just feels… unfair.
Mary: (nodding) I understand. You’re hoping for something more for her.
Joe: Exactly. I’ve been reading about the new gene therapy trials—how they’re finding ways to balance chromosome activity, to give people with Down’s a full lifespan, maybe even protect their hearts and minds as they age. I just keep thinking… maybe, one day, she could have that chance.
(He looks out toward the horizon, eyes misty but hopeful.)
Joe: I don’t just want her to live longer. I want her to live fully. To have someone who really understands her—like the way Madison understood me when things got dark. Everyone deserves a friend like that.
Mary: (smiles softly) Then you’re already doing your part, Joe. Love and hope—that’s the real start of healing. The science will catch up soon enough.
Joe: (half-smile) I sure hope so, Mary. For her sake.
(They sit in silence as the last light fades, the sound of waves below carrying a quiet promise.)
Plot – Joe is a lone gunman who arrives at San Miguel, a town on Mexico border, where two families, the Rojo's and the Morales', are fighting each other to lead the alcohol and weapons' smuggling. In a complicated tangle of accusations, blitz and surveys, Joe pushes one family against the other, hoping they will eliminate each other. Discovered by one member of the Rojo's, Joe is tortured mercilessly. He manages to escape, but he promises to return to San Miguel to take his ruthless revenge.
Eulogy by Prime Minister Justin Trudeau for Matthew Perry
“Today, we say goodbye to a friend who made millions laugh—and who made Canada proud.”
Matthew Perry was more than an actor. He was a storyteller who turned pain into humour, vulnerability into art, and struggle into a bridge that connected him to people everywhere. For Canadians, he wasn’t just the quick-witted Chandler Bing we saw on television—he was the Ottawa kid who went to Rockcliffe Park Public School, who played floor hockey after class, and who made even his teachers laugh.
I still remember those early school days. Matthew was the funny one, the confident one, the one who could make an entire room light up with a single line. Even back then, you could tell he had a rare gift—not just for comedy, but for connection.
As the years passed, the world came to know the same Matthew we did: brilliant, generous, and deeply human. He brought joy to millions but also opened up about his own struggles with addiction, offering honesty and hope to others who needed it most. That courage—the courage to turn one’s own story into a source of healing—is what I’ll remember most.
Matthew once said that he wanted to be remembered not for Friends, but for helping people. I think he achieved both. His laughter will echo through time, and his compassion will continue to save lives.
To his family, his friends, and all who loved him: Canada mourns with you. Thank you, Matthew, for the light you gave us. You will be missed—and remembered—with warmth, laughter, and love.
“Rest easy, my friend. The world is a little less funny, and a little less kind, without you.”
“There’s Something About Vijay”
Joe bursts into Dr. Vijay’s office like a man escaping a burning building—with style.
JOE:
“Doc, we need to talk. And before you say anything, no—this shirt is not ‘too European.’ It’s Zara, not Versailles.”
Dr. Vijay adjusts his glasses, horrified as if Joe walked in wearing lingerie instead of jeans and a clean t-shirt.
DR. VIJAY:
“Joe… I worry. These fashion designers, these models… they all look like they moisturize. Too much. What is this? Why are men so shiny now?”
Joe slaps his forehead. This is the fifth time this month.
JOE:
“Doc, it’s called skincare, not a lifestyle choice! You can’t diagnose everyone who owns a belt with a buckle larger than two inches!”
Dr. Vijay shakes his head with the disappointed sigh of a man who believes the world is sliding into moral chaos one runway at a time.
DR. VIJAY:
“And this friend of yours—Chris… Kolache? Kolinski?”
JOE:
“KOLIC, Doc. CHRIS. KOLIC. My buddy. My photographer. My stylist. Basically my Croatian Zoolander.”
Dr. Vijay stiffens like Joe just told him he joined a boy band.
DR. VIJAY:
“Joe… these fashion people. They scare me. They snap their fingers too much. They wear shirts with… with patterns. Men should not sparkle.”
Joe leans forward, desperate.
JOE:
“Doc, I sparkle on the inside. Chris just helps it come out. With lighting. And a wind machine.”
DR. VIJAY:
(covering his face)
“Oh my god, Joe… a wind machine? Indoors?”
JOE:
“Indoors, outdoors… we’re versatile.”
Dr. Vijay groans, convinced this is the beginning of the end of civilization.
THE REVEAL
Joe tells Nelly later that day:
JOE:
“I swear, Nelly, this man really thinks if a guy wears slim-fit jeans he’ll suddenly start voguing at the bus stop.”
NELLY:
“Did you tell him Chris Kolic is the only one you’ll model for?”
JOE:
“Of course! I told him! I said: ‘Doc, the only man allowed to boss me around with a camera is Chris. And only because he’s built like a Croatian lumberjack and threatens me with vegan pastries.’”
NELLY:
“What did the doctor say?”
Joe mimics Dr. Vijay with exaggerated terror:
JOE (as Vijay):
“NOOOO! Joe! These fashion men—THEY HAVE SCARVES. Even in summer!”
THE BEN STILLER-STYLE ENDING
Later, Dr. Vijay drives by one of Chris Kolic’s billboard photos of Joe.
Joe is shirtless.
Glistening.
Wind machine at full blast.
Looking like he’s about to sell cologne, a motorcycle, or possibly sunscreen.
Dr. Vijay nearly crashes his car.
DR. VIJAY:
“Oh dear lord… he moisturizes now. It’s over. He’s lost.”
He drives off, shaking his head, muttering prayers, while Joe and Chris celebrate the new ad campaign by striking absurd Zoolander poses on the sidewalk.