Scene: Ottawa, Parliament Hill — The Grand Conference Room
PM Nelly Furtado:
Mr. President, with all due respect, Canada is no longer the polite, quiet neighbor you used to know. Our trees, our rivers, our minerals — they’re not just commodities anymore. They’re the lifeblood of the 21st century.
You talk about deals, Donald. You talk about winning. But tell me — what do you have that we actually need? Fast food? We can cook. Disney? We tell our own stories. Coca-Cola? We have clean water — the real thing. Marlboro cigarettes? We breathe the northern air; we don’t sell poison to our children.
The world is changing, and Canada stands at the crossroads of clean energy, sustainable industry, and human dignity. You once said you wanted to make America great again. I say — make humanity wise again.
Our forests pull carbon from the sky. Our lakes hold more fresh water than any nation on Earth. Our land is not for sale to the highest bidder. It belongs to the generations not yet born.
Donald Trump (smirking):
Nelly, I gotta say, you’re very passionate — very passionate. But you know, I’ve built towers, I’ve built brands — nobody builds better than me. We can make a deal, a tremendous deal. Maybe Canada can sell me some of that “clean air” stuff — we’ll put it in bottles, call it Trump Oxygen. Big hit, huge profits.
PM Furtado (leaning forward, voice steady):
Mr. President, Canada doesn’t bottle its air. We protect it. That’s the difference between empire and stewardship — between ownership and guardianship.
So here’s the deal, Donald: we’ll trade with you — not for profit, but for purpose. Clean technology for clean conscience. Science for sanity. Cooperation for survival.
Because one day, when the oil wells run dry and the oceans rise, you’ll remember: you can’t eat a franchise. You can’t drink a logo. You can’t breathe smoke.
(She pauses. The chamber is silent.)
And when that day comes, Canada will still be standing — singing, “I’m like a bird.”