The Drugs Don’t Work

[Scene: The Final Countdown – Munich, Germany]

Munich buzzes under a copper dusk. At the center of Olympiahalle, a massive stage looms, but Nelly Furtado stands still at the edge of it, staring out at the swelling crowd—not as a performer tonight, but as a seeker. The air hums with tension, like the moment before a storm. Then she sees him.

Jake Sully, in full avatar form, unmistakable even in the sea of bodies, is pushing through the crowd toward the center—no guards, no drones, no entourage. Just pure determination. His blue skin glows faintly under the dying sun, and his yellow eyes lock on hers across the mass of people. It’s happening.

Nelly (under her breath, full of feeling):
This isn’t about a concert. This is the reckoning. This is the release.

She steps off the stage. The band stops tuning. Security doesn’t move. The crowd parts slowly, reverently, as if some ancient ritual is unfolding. Fans whisper her name, but no one stops her. They feel it too—this moment is sacred.

Jake sees her moving toward him, and his breath catches. He didn’t think she’d really come. Not all the way into the pit, into the chaos of real people. But here she is, walking in boots worn from years of running, wearing a black trench coat lined with red silk, eyes burning with fire and forgiveness.

Jake (calling out over the crowd):
Nelly! You don’t need the stage. You were never theirs to begin with!

Nelly (voice trembling but strong):
And you… you weren’t just my escape. You were the voice inside the static. The one who told me to wake up. You’re my Juke Box Hero, Jake Sully. You walked through their lies just to stand here with me.

The two meet in the middle of the crowd. It swells around them like waves, but no one touches them. There’s too much reverence, too much awe. Nelly reaches up and touches his chest. His heartbeat is real, thunderous.

Jake (low and sure):
One last insane move. That’s what I promised. And I made it. Munich. The heart of Europe. Where old empires rise and fall.

Nelly:
Where lies were written in blood. And where truth sings louder than war.

Jake (quietly):
You ready to tell them what they were never supposed to hear?

Nelly (nodding):
Let’s blow the lid off history. Let’s set the captives free.

Without another word, she grabs his hand. The sound of drums begins—deep, tribal, ancient. The crowd begins to chant. The hologram screen above them flashes scenes of forbidden archives: the Rothschild banking codes, the Rockefeller oil maps, footage of old Munich, and symbols once deemed “conspiracies.”

Then—Nelly raises the mic. The beat drops. A new anthem begins. The lyrics aren’t in any known language. They’re something deeper. Something older. The voice of Pandora, the cry of Earth, the prophecy of the free.

Together, in the center of the crowd, Jake and Nelly begin the final countdown. Not to destruction—
—but to revelation.


[Scene: A Clinic on the Edge of the Forest – Croatia]

The camera pans over the lush green hills of the Dalmatian coast. Birds call overhead. Somewhere inland, just outside a sleepy Croatian village, Jake Sully sits beneath an olive tree, still in partial recovery. He’s no longer on the hard sedatives, just teas and tinctures now. His avatar body is there, resting, but it’s his soul that’s beginning to wake up again.

Beside him, a local nurse named Ana tends to his IV drip—a simple saline mix. She’s no-nonsense, mid-50s, wearing rubber clogs and a floral apron. The kind of woman who raised four kids and still has time to pray the rosary every night. She doesn’t like pills. She doesn’t like lies. She knows what America did to its sons.

Ana (gently but firm, in Croatian-accented English):
Jake… in this country, we don’t want you on drugs. We want you in the garden.

She gestures to the rows of tomatoes, lavender, and medicinal herbs growing just beyond the fence.

Ana (continuing):
Zdrav duh u zdravom tijelu. A healthy spirit in a healthy body. That’s how we say it here. You lost your war. But not your purpose.

Jake looks up, something clearing in his eyes. The jungle of Pandora is far away now. But the healing power of Earth, of Croatia, of real food and sunlight—it’s all around him. It’s realer than the false peace he was sold back in the States.

Jake (softly):
And what about her?

Ana knows who he means. The one with the voice. The one who once flew higher than anyone but now floats, numb, through the industry fog.

Ana:
Nelly? If she wants off the poison, she comes with you. If she wants to be free, she leaves the stage and steps into the soil. You’re not her audience anymore, Jake. You’re her road to Wellville.

Cut to: Nelly alone in a luxury hotel in Munich. Her hair is perfect. Her eyes are dead. She watches a clip of Jake walking barefoot through the Croatian hills, holding a shovel in one hand, and a small tomato plant in the other. His nurse’s voice echoes in the background, translated by subtitles.

Ana’s Voice (from the video):
“We don’t need superstars. We need people who remember how to pray, how to plant, how to be kind.”

Nelly slowly removes her makeup. She looks out the window. The train to Zagreb leaves in two hours.

Nelly (to herself):
I don’t want the pills. I want the garden.

Fade out.

Title Card: WELLVILLE BEGINS WHERE THE STAGE ENDS.


SEQUEL: WELLVILLE: THE RETREAT
Subtitle: “The Garden of Medjugorje”

[Scene: Hills Above Medjugorje – Bosnia and Herzegovina]
Morning dew clings to rosemary bushes. Birds chirp in soft counterpoint to church bells ringing from below. The Cross looms on the mountaintop. It is not just a monument anymore—it’s a symbol of survival, of return.

Jake Sully, leaner now, walks barefoot through rows of raised garden beds. His avatar body is gone. It wasn’t needed anymore. He’s back in his human form, grounded, and glowing with real health. His hands are calloused, his feet brown from the earth. This is no longer about war or escape. This is restoration.

Behind him walks Nelly Furtado, hair in a braid, wearing a plain linen dress and muddy boots. She carries a basket full of herbs and medicinal flowers. Her tattoos are fading in the sun. Her soul, once numbed by pills and fame, is waking back up like spring after a long winter.

Jake (to Nelly):
You feel it now, don’t you? The quiet. The clean air. No stage lights, no gossip columns. Just olives, figs, and forgiveness.

Nelly (smiling, tearing mint leaves):
I haven’t needed a sleeping pill in weeks. I actually dream again. Real dreams. Not the static.


[Scene: The Chapel at Dusk]

Pilgrims and ex-celebrities gather in a small open-air chapel. Former pop stars, Instagram models, a retired NBA player, and one frail film director from LA sit in humble silence. Sister Mirjana, once a runway model in Milan, now wears a white headscarf. She reads from the Beatitudes.

Sister Mirjana:
“Blessed are the poor in spirit… for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.”

Jake stands at the back. Nelly plays a simple song on a wooden guitar—one she wrote just for this place. There’s no auto-tune, no digital shimmer. Just truth. A single tear runs down the cheek of a former child actor as the melody reaches him.


[Later, by the Fire Pit]

A group sits in a circle. The smell of stew and woodsmoke fills the air. Nelly stirs the pot while Jake passes around mugs of chamomile tea. They’ve turned a monastery’s old vineyard into a living rehab—a place where trauma meets tomatoes.

NBA Player:
Man, I thought this was some cult stuff. But that rosary walk yesterday? Felt like I let go of twenty years of pain.

Retired Pop Producer (holding a rake):
The only beats I want now come from my own damn heartbeat.

Everyone laughs. It’s real. Nothing plastic here.


[Closing Montage]

  • A drone shot flies over the permaculture terraces labeled in Croatian: “Život,” “Iscjeljenje,” “Mir” – Life, Healing, Peace.
  • A famous actress feeds goats while singing Ave Maria.
  • Jake teaches a group how to mulch.
  • Nelly helps baptize a washed-up rapper in the river below the cross.

Voiceover – Jake (final words):
“They thought the industry was the peak. But the real high? Is digging in the dirt with people you love. And hearing God in the silence.”


Title Card:
WELLVILLE: THE RETREAT
A place where the famous forget their names… and remember their souls.



🔥 Magic Johnson“The Herbalist of Hope”

Before Wellville:
Former NBA legend, entrepreneur, and HIV-positive icon of the ’90s. Spent decades in business meetings and pharma PR circuits. Privately grew disillusioned with big pharma and synthetic meds pushed in his name. A deep fatigue set in.

Wellville Transformation:
Now grows echinacea, nettle, and elderberry in the retreat’s healing herb garden. Learns from Croatian grannies how to brew “čaj za srce” (tea for the heart). He teaches the power of food as medicine—especially to younger Black men seeking alternatives to Western healthcare.

Quote:
“They said I’d be dead in five years. God had other plans. I’m living proof the body can heal—if the soul gets honest.”


🏀 Michael Jordan“The Monk of Competition”

Before Wellville:
The GOAT. Dominated the world stage, made billions, and remained emotionally distant. Retired a legend—but also deeply lonely. Addicted to gambling, control, and the feeling of being worshiped.

Wellville Transformation:
Lives in a stone hut near Apparition Hill. Walks alone at dawn. Teaches the kids of the village how to shoot hoops without ego. Has taken a vow of silence on Sundays. Reads the Gospel of Matthew in Croatian.

Role at the Retreat:
Spiritual coach for former influencers and athletes. Hosts “Silent Saturdays” where no one speaks, just gardens and meditates.

Quote:
“I mastered the court. But I never mastered myself. Until now.”


🎤 Kanye West“The Choir Rebel”

Before Wellville:
Iconic producer, designer, and media lightning rod. Flirted with Christianity but couldn’t let go of his pride or paranoia. Cancelled, resurrected, cancelled again. Convinced he was a prophet—but never humbled enough to be a disciple.

Wellville Transformation:
Shaved head. No shoes. Wears simple linen tunics hand-sewn by the nuns. Sings Gregorian chant every morning with the monks. Finally surrendered the “Yeezus” ego. Now just wants to be called “Ye.”

Role at the Retreat:
Leads the “Lost Boys Choir” with Feldman. Writes healing hymns and rap psalms for recovering fame addicts. Is building a chapel out of recycled fashion waste.

Quote:
“Jesus was never a brand. He was a farmer.”


🎬 Corey Feldman“The Watcher on the Wall”

Before Wellville:
Former teen star. Hollywood abuse whistleblower. Branded paranoid and unstable. Lost most of his credibility—and nearly his mind.

Wellville Transformation:
Arrived weeping. Stayed in a converted goat shed. Given a journal, a wooden flute, and told to rest. After three months, became the unofficial protector of new arrivals. Helps them detox, and tells the truth—gently.

Role at the Retreat:
Gatekeeper. Welcomes guests at the stone archway and performs nightly candlelit readings from The Book of Tobit. He and Kanye are the odd couple of the hilltop chapel.

Quote:
“I was a joke to them. But now? I’m a watchman. And this garden? This is Eden rising again.”



🎬 Mel Gibson“The Builder of Redemption”

Before Wellville:
Oscar-winning director, lightning rod for controversy, devout Catholic, and Hollywood exile. Mel’s passions ran deep—sometimes too deep. Known for The Passion of the Christ, but also for public meltdowns, feuds, and righteous fury. Found himself abandoned by both Hollywood and Church elites. Wandered for years, seeking absolution in a world that wanted him silenced.

Arrival at Wellville:
He came barefoot and bleeding, walking from Dubrovnik to Medjugorje with nothing but a cross around his neck and a chisel in his pocket. He didn’t speak to anyone for the first two weeks. Just prayed. And built.

Wellville Transformation:
Mel has become the self-appointed mason of the retreat. He’s hand-carving a stone amphitheater at the foot of Cross Mountain—modeled after Golgotha and ancient Croatian shrines. It’s where confessions are whispered under the stars, and healing dramas are performed by former stars turned seekers.

Role at the Retreat:
The Prophet-Builder. He gives fire-and-brimstone sermons under candlelight, quoting from 2 Maccabees, Revelation, and the Book of Enoch. Teaches guests how to build stone walls, mend wounds with old Latin prayers, and recognize spiritual warfare.

Nickname:
“The Hammer of Medjugorje.”

His Morning Routine:

  • Lights incense at the foot of the Cross
  • Says 15 decades of the Rosary
  • Breaks stone with a hammer while singing Byzantine hymns
  • Refuses modern tools: “If it wasn’t used by Joseph the Carpenter, I don’t need it.”

Quote:
“Hollywood builds illusions. I build altars. And the fire of God still falls—on those humble enough to kneel.”


Together, Jake Sully, Nelly Furtado, Magic, Jordan, Kanye, Feldman, and Mel form the Council of the Garden—a living rebellion against the plastic world. A band of survivors planting not just vegetables, but truth.


🎤 Bono (Paul Hewson)“The Penitent Pilgrim”

Before Wellville:
U2 frontman. Global humanitarian. Davos darling. Spent decades negotiating with presidents, pushing debt relief, and singing about salvation with a glass of Bordeaux in hand. But deep down, Bono knew he’d compromised too much. Photo ops replaced prophecy. The Gospel got filtered through globalism. Something sacred was lost.

Arrival at Wellville:
Bono arrived alone, unannounced, wearing a dark peacoat and no sunglasses. He walked from Sarajevo to Medjugorje, praying the rosary in Latin, staying in monasteries. He entered Wellville under a veil of humility. No stage. No entourage. Just the question on his lips: “Have I served Caesar too long?”

Wellville Transformation:
Bono now tends to a small vineyard with Magic Johnson. He’s renounced his honorary degrees and writes psalms in a leather notebook given to him by Mel Gibson. He confessed privately to Sister Lucy for hours. When he emerged, he wept like a child and sang “I Still Haven’t Found What I’m Looking For” a cappella in the chapel—this time to God alone.

Role at the Retreat:
The Pilgrim of Contrition. Teaches Scripture with Jordan on Friday nights. Writes spiritual ballads with Ye and Nelly. Prays in tongues. Sleeps in a simple stone cell under a wooden cross. Recently built a tiny library filled only with Bibles and banned books.

Quote:
“I shook hands with the beast for the sake of the poor. But I forgot—only the Lamb saves.”


🐑 Justin Bieber“The Donkey-Boy of Galilee”

Before Wellville:
From YouTube prodigy to global pop god to tabloid spectacle. Justin cycled through every stage of stardom: the spoiled prince, the repentant Christian, the lost husband, and the confused man-child. He tried megachurches, ayahuasca, and silence—all left him thirsting.

Arrival at Wellville:
Rode in on a donkey named “Jubilee,” gifted to the retreat by a Croatian farmer. No cameras. Just a tattered Bible, a pack of string cheese, and a handwritten letter for Jake Sully:
“I’m tired of autotune. I want the real song.”

Wellville Transformation:
Shaved his head. Burned his designer clothes. Sleeps in the goat barn by choice. Wakes up before sunrise to gather eggs and sing lullabies to rescued animals. His only luxury: a guitar made from a broken olive crate.

Role at the Retreat:
Animal caretaker and worship leader for the children. Teaches harmony and humility through music. Is being mentored by Feldman and Sister Lucy in the “Art of Pure Sound.” Rumored to be building a tiny chapel from driftwood and prayer cards.

Quote:
“When I was famous, I couldn’t hear God. Now that I’m nobody, He never shuts up.”


BONUS: The Garden Creed (read at dawn every Sunday by the Council):

“We plant, not for profit—but for the poor.
We sing, not for applause—but for the angels.
We break stone, not for castles—but for altars.
And if the world forgets us, good—
Because only in being forgotten…
Do we remember who we truly are.”



Father Guido Sarducci“The Vatican’s Watchdog Turned Wandering Sheep”

Before Wellville:
Longtime comedic fixture and unofficial Vatican gossip columnist. Dressed in black, chain-smoked, and always had a half-joking line about the Pope. Fluent in Latin and sarcasm. The Vatican trusted him for odd jobs—investigating “unauthorized spiritual awakenings,” fringe mystics, or rogue Franciscans. Officially, he was sent to Wellville to determine whether the retreat was a cult, a scandal, or worse: a movement the Church couldn’t control.

Arrival at Wellville:
Came in a beat-up Fiat from Rome, wearing sunglasses and a long black cassock, dragging a leather briefcase filled with Canon Law printouts, Pope John Paul II biographies, and half-eaten biscotti. Announced himself at the gate with a single line:

“I’m not here to stay. Just need to make sure nobody’s claiming to be the Third Fatima Secret.”

Early Observations:
Skeptical. Raised an eyebrow at barefoot Kanye. Scoffed at Jordan quoting the Psalms. Rolled his eyes at Feldman’s flute circle. Thought Jake Sully was an actor in rehab. Refused to drink chamomile tea: “Too Protestant.”


🔁 Transformation: The 3-Day Turnaround

Day 1:
Witnessed Bono kneel for two hours in the chapel and then hand over his publishing rights to a charity for widows. Sarducci wrote in his notebook:
“Either this is real, or Bono’s up for an Oscar.”

Day 2:
Listened to Nelly sing a new version of “Try” by candlelight while Jordan quietly wept nearby. Later that night, he saw Justin Bieber whisper to a goat: “God loves you too, buddy.”

Sarducci started smoking less.

Day 3:
Mel Gibson offered him a stone to place in the amphitheater wall. Sarducci hesitated. Then took off his sunglasses, whispered the Our Father, and placed it with trembling hands.

That night, Sarducci stayed up talking with Sister Lucy. She gave him a new cassock—handmade, stitched with a Marian rose. He wept for the first time in 30 years and confessed:

“I forgot why I became a priest. I think I came here to catch heretics…
…but instead, I found the Gospel again.”


🕊️ Current Role at the Retreat:

  • “The Vatican Liaison of Last Resort” (his words).
  • Writes weekly letters to the Holy See: half comedic, half poetic, always baffled.
  • Hosts Sunday “Pope Talks” under the fig tree, where he reads quotes from Saints, theologians, and even Bob Dylan.
  • In charge of blessing the grape harvest. Sometimes uses red wine for effect.

Quote:
“I came looking for heresy. Instead, I found a garden. Ain’t that just like Jesus?”

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Jake Sully

Sometimes your life boils down to one insane move

4 Replies to “The Drugs Don’t Work”

  1. [Scene: The Stone Amphitheater – Sunset in Medjugorje]

    The amphitheater is half-finished, but beautiful. The seats are made of raw limestone. Pilgrims, ex-celebrities, seekers, and villagers sit in silence as the sky turns gold. A single American flag flutters beside a white Marian banner.

    Mel Gibson has stepped back from the fire pit. He’s finished his reading of the Book of Ezekiel. Now, a tall man steps forward—squared shoulders, steely eyes, buzzcut. His fatigues are dusty, his boots are real. It’s G.I. Joe—or rather, Major Joseph Jukic, a retired U.S. Ranger and former Black Ops legend.

    No one told him to speak. He just did. That’s who he is.

    G.I. Joe (firm, calm, his voice carrying across the valley):
    Some people out there say this place is a cult. Some say it smells like communism—people sharing food, working the land, praying out loud. I fought in places where people were forced to believe—or die. Let me make this clear…

    He points to the people around him—Bono with his shovel, Bieber petting a goat, Kanye humming Psalms, Sister Lucy handing out figs.

    G.I. Joe:
    This is not communism. And it damn sure ain’t a cult.

    He pauses. His voice softens.

    G.I. Joe:
    This is a garden. A sanctuary. A place to lay your burdens down.
    And you are free to leave—whenever your soul says it’s time.

    He turns to Jake Sully.
    Jake, you and your gardeners didn’t build a prison here. You built a launchpad. And when we’ve grown strong enough… we go back into Mystery Babylon.
    We walk back into that world of false idols and burning screens—not to worship, but to warn. Not to run from it, but to redeem it.

    He steps down. Jake nods with quiet respect. The fire crackles. A baby cries softly. Someone begins to sing the Magnificat.

    Title on Screen:
    “WELLVILLE IS NOT ESCAPE.
    IT’S RECOVERY BEFORE THE MISSION.”

    Absolutely. Here’s the next chapter of Wellville: The Retreat, with two new characters: a smooth-talking record executive from Mystery Babylon trying to lure Nelly back, and a young, broken soldier who shows up with haunted eyes—and a seed of hope.

    🕴️ Mystery Babylon Sends a Messenger
    “The Devil Wears Designer Sunglasses”
    [Scene: Early Morning – Olive Grove, Wellville]

    Nelly is picking olives with Sister Lucy when a black Mercedes rolls up the dirt road, kicking up dust and disrupting the stillness. The engine cuts. Silence. Then the door opens.

    A tall, elegant man steps out in all black. Designer shades. Cologne you can smell from ten feet away. He’s not sweating. He’s not smiling. This is Lucien Vale, a top record executive from “Mystery Babylon,” a label with offices in LA, Berlin, and Dubai.

    Lucien (smooth, low voice):
    “Nelly. You’ve had your garden party. Now let’s come back and finish the legend. We’ve got a new single for you. AI-assisted vocals. World tour. Coachella resurrection. ‘Redemption as a Brand.’”

    Nelly stares at him, olive branch in hand.

    Nelly:
    “You think I’m a commodity. I’m not. I’m a woman who was sick and got well. I don’t need to be famous anymore. I need to be fruitful.”

    Lucien (voice sharpening):
    “The world needs you. You’re still a product, Nelly—whether you sing for God or Mammon.”

    Suddenly, G.I. Joe steps forward from the garden. Quiet, but unmistakably present. His hands are dirty from transplanting kale. His M4 rifle leans against a tree nearby.

    G.I. Joe:
    “She’s free to leave. But you? You don’t belong here. Not unless you’re ready to put your hands in the soil.”

    Lucien (scoffing):
    “I came for a star. Not a sermon.”

    Nelly (calmly):
    “Then you came to the wrong mountain.”

    Lucien smirks, gets in the car, and drives off, the dust cloud fading behind him like a bad dream.

    🪖 The Young Soldier Arrives
    “Private Isaiah, Soul Number 44722”
    [Scene: That Same Afternoon – Wellville Gate]

    A young man in camo pants, sunburned and shaking, stumbles toward the front gate. He’s maybe 23. Face gaunt. Eyes haunted. No luggage. Just a military satchel and a tattered Gideon Bible.

    He collapses at the feet of Corey Feldman and Justin Bieber, who rush to help him.

    Young Man (choked voice):
    “They told me this place was fake… but I couldn’t take it anymore. The VA gave me pills, then more pills. I started dreaming about killing myself in full color. Then I saw a video of Jordan planting figs. And Mel reading Scripture. And Jake with dirt under his nails.”

    Feldman (gently):
    “What’s your name, soldier?”

    Young Man:
    “Private Isaiah James. Soul number 44722.”

    Jake Sully appears behind them, holding a jug of spring water. He kneels beside Isaiah.

    Jake:
    “You’re home now. You won’t need your number here. Just your soul. Let the land hold you. The war is over.”

    They lift him gently. Justin brings fresh bread. Sister Lucy kisses his forehead. Kanye begins humming a new tune under his breath—half hymn, half lullaby.

    ✝️ Closing Scene: The Gates of Wellville at Twilight
    Lucien’s Mercedes disappears down the mountain.

    Private Isaiah sleeps in the orchard, finally resting.

    Bono scribbles a new lyric: “The devil wears clean shoes / but God walks barefoot.”

    G.I. Joe watches the horizon with a rifle slung and a seed packet in hand.

    Narration (Jake Sully):
    “Mystery Babylon is loud. It never sleeps. But here, in the silence, the soul returns. One soldier at a time. One voice at a time. One garden at a time.”

  2. 🧥 Zoolander Arrives in Shame and Holes
    “From Runway to Repentance”

    [Scene: Late Morning – Wellville Entry Road, Just After Rain]

    A bright blue designer duffle bag drags through the mud. Walking beside it, soaked to the knees, is Ben Stiller—in full Zoolander posture, despite his exhaustion. He’s wearing a shredded, chemically treated micro-fiber tracksuit that sizzles faintly in the sunlight.

    Ben (muttering dramatically):
    “They said these puma socks were luxury. I washed them once. Now they feel like wet paper dipped in lava. What is this… fast fashion? Or chemical warfare?”

    He stumbles through the gate like a rejected peacock, dragging his bag, which rips halfway through. He holds up the remains of his outfit, which seem to be melting under the Bosnian sun.

    Ben (raising a hand to the sky):
    “My skin is on fire! These are limited edition! And yet they feel like punishment! Why do my pants smell like dead raccoons?!”

    Sister Lucy approaches quietly, holding a plain brown robe and a humble burlap sack.

    Sister Lucy (softly):
    “You’ve worn Babylon, child. Now wear Revelation.”

    Ben (wide-eyed, with the seriousness of Zoolander’s most intense Blue Steel):
    “You mean… chapter 11?”

    Sister Lucy (nodding):
    “‘And I will give power unto my two witnesses, and they shall prophesy clothed in sackcloth.’”

    Ben grabs the burlap sack reverently, strips off the burning designer threads behind the fig tree, and re-emerges clothed in rough humility. He falls to his knees in the mud, whispering through tears:

    Ben (sincerely):
    “For the first time in my life… I feel clothed.”

    Mel Gibson appears beside him, handing him a wooden staff. Kanye throws him a rope belt and shouts, “You look like Elijah now, bro!” Justin Bieber claps. Feldman weeps. Bono nods with silent respect.

    🎭 Zoolander’s Role at the Retreat:
    Title: “The Prophet of Unfashion”

    Burns his old wardrobe and hosts a weekly Bonfire of the Vanities for anyone bringing toxic clothes.

    Starts a “Sackcloth Couture” workshop using sustainable hemp and sheep’s wool.

    Wrote a poem called “The Polyester Heresy.”

    Walks barefoot except on feast days. Then he wears hand-woven jute sandals with biblical straps.

    Quote:
    “I used to sell my soul for a look. Now I wear what the prophets wore. And it breathes.”

    Narration (Jake Sully):
    “Fashion changes. The truth doesn’t.
    When the skin starts to burn,
    it’s not always fire.
    Sometimes, it’s the Spirit calling you to take off Babylon
    —and clothe yourself in ash and grace.”

  3. 🌱 Brad Pitt Arrives in Glory and Dirt
    “The Sower of the Balkans”

    [Scene: Midday – Hills Outside Wellville, Thunderclouds Gathering]

    A convoy of old Bosnian trucks rumbles up the gravel path toward the retreat. Each one is covered in canvas tarps stamped with strange symbols: wheat, sunflower, ancient corn. Villagers peek from their windows. The air smells like rain and redemption.

    From the lead truck hops Brad Pitt—bearded, sunburnt, wearing a Carhartt vest smeared with clay and ash. His eyes burn with wild purpose. This isn’t Hollywood Brad. This is Seed Vault Brad—a man on a mission, armed with nothing but heirlooms and holy rage.

    Brad (to the gathering crowd):
    “Monsanto tried to kill the seed. Bill Gates tried to freeze it in a vault beneath Svalbard. But I’m here to bury the lie and sow the truth—in Bosnia.”

    He climbs onto a crate of barley, raising a dusty mason jar full of purple okra seeds.

    📦 Inside the Trucks:
    Crates of rare organic seeds: Black Krim tomatoes, Golden Bantam corn, Croatian chard, Balkan apples, Armenian cucumbers.

    Each labeled by hand, sourced from grandmothers, monks, and exiled botanists.

    No patents. No barcodes. No suicide genes.

    Only life—pure, open-source life.

    🎤 Brad’s Lecture: “Ashes, Urine, and the Gospel of Soil”
    [Scene: The Amphitheater, That Evening]

    The fire blazes. The community gathers, eager. G.I. Joe leans against a pillar. Kanye takes notes on a napkin. Sister Lucy stitches seed packets.

    Brad (holding up a stalk of millet):
    “You’ve been lied to. The Rockefeller Green Revolution didn’t feed the world—it poisoned the soil and enslaved the farmer.”

    He picks up a jar of human urine and a bowl of wood ash.

    Brad (sermon mode):
    “God gave you all you need. Urine is nitrogen. Ash is potassium. The bones of your ancestors are phosphorus. You want fertilizer? You don’t need Dow or DuPont. You need a bucket and a conscience.”

    He walks the aisles, handing out small velvet bags of seeds. People weep as they hold them—seeds saved from war, seeds hidden from corporations, seeds soaked in the blood of peasant saints.

    Brad (quietly):
    “Every seed is a story. A rebellion. A resurrection. And Bosnia will rise again—not with bullets, but with beans.”

    🏛️ The Bosnian Seed Vault of Medjugorje
    Construction Begins:

    Location: Just below Apparition Hill, in a Cold War bunker.

    Design: Byzantine stonework meets permaculture futurism.

    Protected by G.I. Joe’s squad and the prayers of nuns.

    Entry inscription:

    “Let no man patent what God made free.”

    🌾 Brad’s Role at the Retreat:
    Title: “The Sower General”

    Hosts seed-saving workshops under fig trees.

    Teaches compost alchemy: “Urine for the People.”

    Declared enemy of Bayer-Monsanto.

    Sleeps in a straw loft next to a crate of Turkish saffron bulbs.

    Refuses all payment. Accepts only soil and stories.

    Quote:
    “The kingdom of heaven is like a mustard seed. And so is revolution.”

  4. ⛪ The Gregorian Chant of Healing
    “Vox Dominae” – The Voice of the Lady

    [Scene: Midnight – Open-Air Chapel Beneath Apparition Hill]

    The stars are sharp. The moon is full. Torches flicker gently. A stillness has fallen over Wellville—sown with seeds, dreams, and pain.

    Then, from the shadows of the old stone chapel, emerges Sister Lucy, wearing pure white robes with a simple Marian blue sash. Behind her, twelve nuns in hand-stitched veils form two rows. Their faces are serene, marked by poverty, prayer, and power.

    They begin to sing—no instruments, no microphones—just breath and eternity.

    🎶 The Chant: “Lux Aeterna in Terra”
    (Original Latin composition)

    “Lux aeterna in terra,
    In cordibus fractis,
    Veni, Spiritus Domini,
    Sana nos, O Maria.”

    Translation:

    “Eternal light upon the Earth,
    In hearts that are broken,
    Come, Spirit of the Lord,
    Heal us, O Mary.”

    The Sound:
    It is not loud. It does not seek attention. But it pierces.

    G.I. Joe falls to his knees, jaw clenched, eyes brimming.

    Brad Pitt closes his eyes and touches the jar of okra seeds to his heart.

    Bieber weeps openly, whispering, “This is the sound of heaven on Earth.”

    Kanye takes off his sandals and lies face down on the stone.

    Bono clasps his hands and begins mouthing, “Thank You.”

    The soldier, Isaiah, finally sleeps without nightmares.

    Zoolander, still in his sackcloth, murmurs:
    “This is my new runway.”

    🕊️ Sister Lucy’s Benediction (softly, after the chant ends):
    “Some of you were famous. Some of you were forgotten.
    All of you were wounded.
    But now—we remember the song.
    And the song remembers us.”

    🌍 Echoes of the Chant:
    A monk in Ethiopia hears it in a dream.

    A prisoner in São Paulo begins to hum it without knowing why.

    A girl in Shanghai turns off her phone and begins to pray.

    And somewhere in Rome, Pope Leo XIV wakes with tears on his cheeks.

    Title Appears on Screen:

    “Vox Dominae: When the Lady Sings, the Earth Listens.”

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