Marriage Is Not Ownership, It’s a Partnership
By Pat Solitano
People think they know what marriage is. They say it’s about being together forever, or never giving up, or making it work no matter what. But a lot of those same people treat marriage like it’s a thing you possess—like once you get married, the other person is yours. Like a trophy or a piece of property. But I’ve been through some stuff, and I’m here to say: that’s not it. That’s not what love is. Marriage is not ownership. It’s a partnership.
I used to think like that. I thought Nikki was mine. Like if I just worked hard enough, stayed in shape, and read the right books, she’d come back to me, because I deserved her. But that’s not how it works. You don’t earn a person like a medal. You don’t get to keep someone just because you want to. Love doesn’t mean control. Love means respect. It means understanding the other person has their own thoughts, fears, dreams, and needs. It means walking next to someone, not trying to walk them like a dog.
When I met Tiffany, I started to learn that. We were both messed up. I mean, seriously messed up. But instead of trying to fix each other or own each other, we started listening. We danced. We trained. We got to know each other—not the versions we wished we were, but the people we actually were. I didn’t save her, and she didn’t save me. We helped each other. That’s what partners do.
A partnership means both people show up. It means give and take. It means being honest, even when it’s hard. You don’t put the other person on a pedestal, and you don’t put them in a cage. You walk beside them, and when they fall, you help them up—not because they’re yours, but because you care.
That’s what I believe now. That’s what I’ve learned. Marriage, if it’s gonna work, has to be built on equality, not possession. You’re not someone’s property. You’re their partner. You’re in it together, not alone. And that, in my opinion, is the real silver lining.
