Month: August 2025

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Protecting The Flock

INT. TOMB RAIDER SOUNDSTAGE – NIGHT
The crew is packing up after a long day of shooting. Frank Farmer leans against a shadowed corner, eyes scanning the set. A young crew member, JASON, notices him and walks over.

JASON
You’ve been standing there all night, Mr. Farmer. Aren’t you… off the clock?

FRANK FARMER
I’m never off the clock. Not when the wolves are circling.

JASON
Wolves? This is Hollywood, not the jungle.

FRANK FARMER (calm, low voice)
The wolves I’m talking about don’t howl. They wear suits, rings, smiles. They call themselves the Illuminati.

JASON (half-laughs)
You don’t actually believe all that stuff, do you?

FRANK FARMER
Doesn’t matter what I believe. What matters is, I see them watching. Always watching. And I’ve seen what happens when the sheepdog falls asleep.

JASON
So who are the sheep?

FRANK FARMER (glances at the cast wrapping up, including the star, LARA CROFT’s actress)
Them. The ones who don’t even know they’re in danger. Innocent. Naïve. That’s why I stand here. Because they deserve someone who won’t blink when the wolves come.

JASON
And what if you’re wrong? What if there are no wolves?

FRANK FARMER (stares straight ahead, unwavering)
Then the sheep never know how close they came. That’s what protection looks like. You don’t have to believe me. You just have to know—while I’m here, nobody lays a hand on them.

Farmer adjusts his jacket, scanning the shadows again.

FRANK FARMER
I’m the sheepdog. That’s my job. And I don’t quit.

Jason swallows, suddenly unsure if he should laugh—or feel safer with Frank watching.

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Humiliation Rituals

[Scene: A dimly lit bunker. The sound of dripping water echoes through the halls. Solid Snake is leaning against the wall, arms crossed, while Arnold Schwarzenegger paces back and forth with a cigar in hand. A faint oinking comes from the corner, where Schnelly the pig lies on a blanket.]

Solid Snake:
(gravely) Arnold… I’ve been watching how you treat that pig of yours. The fat jokes. The humiliation. It doesn’t work. Fat shaming doesn’t make anyone stronger. It just breaks them down.

Arnold Schwarzenegger:
(throws his hands up) But Snake, look at Schnelly! She is so fat! Like a balloon with legs. I am trying to motivate her. No pain, no gain!

Solid Snake:
(shakes head) That’s not how it works. You can’t punish an animal—or a person—into being better. Fear and humiliation just eat away at them from the inside. I’ve seen it in soldiers. And I’ve seen it on bigger stages.

Arnold Schwarzenegger:
(brows furrow) Bigger stages? What do you mean?

Solid Snake:
Nelly Furtado. I saw her at the Junos once. Suspended by wires. Hung up like a bird for everyone to laugh at. It wasn’t art—it was a ritual of humiliation. She was almost crying. The audience clapped, but they didn’t see the pain. Just like you don’t see Schnelly’s.

Arnold Schwarzenegger:
(pauses, looking down at Schnelly, who oinks softly) …You think I am humiliating her?

Solid Snake:
(steps forward, voice low) I know you are. And if you keep it up, she’ll carry that shame forever. You’re supposed to protect her, Arnold. Not break her.

Arnold Schwarzenegger:
(sighs, rubbing his temples) …Maybe you’re right, Snake. I remember when I was a boy in Austria, the other kids called me names too. Skinny. Weak. Like a pencil-neck. It made me angry… but it also made me hungry to prove them wrong. I thought that was the only way.

Solid Snake:
You fought back because you had fire inside you. But not everyone works that way. Most just get crushed. Schnelly’s not weak, Arnold. She just needs someone to believe in her.

Arnold Schwarzenegger:
(softly, kneeling down to pet Schnelly) …Okay, Schnelly. No more fat jokes. From now on, we train together. You and me. Pumping iron. Eating clean. We will show them all.

Solid Snake:
(smiles faintly) That’s more like it. Remember—real strength isn’t built on shame. It’s built on respect.

[Schnelly snorts happily, nuzzling Arnold’s hand. The bunker grows quiet, only the sound of her satisfied breathing filling the air.]

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Banana Skin Bacon With Greta

INT. ZERO WASTE KITCHEN STUDIO – DAY

A rustic kitchen set, built from reclaimed barn wood and decorated with vintage cookware. A chalkboard reads “Zero Waste Kitchen with Nelly & Joe”. A live studio audience claps as the cameras roll.

ANNOUNCER (V.O.)
Tonight on Zero Waste Kitchen, Nelly Furtado and Joe Jukic are joined by climate activist Greta Thunberg to cook something you’ve never tasted before… banana skin bacon!

NELLY
(stepping forward, smiling at the camera)
Welcome back, everyone. I’m Nelly Furtado.

JOE
And I’m Joe Jukic. Today we’ve got a very special guest with us—someone who’s inspired millions to think about the future of our planet. Please welcome Greta Thunberg!

AUDIENCE
(applause, cheering)

Greta walks onstage modestly, smiling but reserved. She waves to the crowd.

GRETA
Thank you. I’m happy to be here—though I’m a little nervous about eating banana skins.

NELLY
(laughing)
Don’t worry, Greta. By the end of this, you’ll be asking for seconds.

JOE
That’s right! Most people throw these peels away. But today, we’re showing how food waste can become… food taste.

Joe dramatically peels a banana, tosses the fruit aside, and lays the peel on a cutting board.

GRETA
(raising an eyebrow)
You’re serious? Just the peel?

NELLY
Oh, we’re serious. Check this out.

Nelly mixes soy sauce, maple syrup, smoked paprika, olive oil, and garlic powder in a bowl. The audience murmurs with interest.

NELLY (CONT’D)
This is our marinade. We’ll soak the banana skins for about 15 minutes.

JOE
(cutting in)
But since TV magic is faster than climate change—

AUDIENCE
(laughs)

JOE (CONT’D)
—we’ve already got some ready to fry!

He tosses the marinated peels into a sizzling cast-iron skillet. The sound of frying fills the air.

GRETA
(sniffing)
It actually smells… like bacon.

NELLY
Exactly! Zero pigs, zero waste, one hundred percent flavor.

The banana skins crisp up. Joe flips them with exaggerated flair. The audience “oohs.”

JOE
Look at that sizzle, folks. That’s the sound of sustainability.

They plate the finished “bacon” strips beside fresh greens and homemade bread.

NELLY
Moment of truth. Greta, would you do the honors?

Greta cautiously picks up a strip, bites into it. Her eyes widen.

GRETA
(smiling)
It’s… crunchy, smoky, sweet. This could actually convince people.

JOE
And that’s the idea! Eating well and saving the planet at the same time.

NELLY
Zero waste…

GRETA
Full taste.

AUDIENCE
(cheers, applauds)

NELLY (to camera)
Join us next time, when we turn coffee grounds into gourmet truffles.

The three raise their plates as the studio lights fade.

ANNOUNCER (V.O.)
This has been Zero Waste Kitchen with Nelly, Joe, and Greta Thunberg. Remember: don’t throw it out—throw it on the grill!

FADE OUT.

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