Natural Booty Request

No plastic

Scene: The Commercial Drive Café

Setting: A rainy afternoon in East Vancouver. JOEY JEREMIAH and NELLY FURTADO are sitting at a corner table, surrounded by the hum of an espresso machine and the smell of fresh sourdough. Nelly is staring intensely at a green juice, looking exhausted.


JOEY (Leaning in, Fedora tipped back) Nelly, stop. Just stop. You’ve been staring at that kale water like it’s the enemy, and frankly, it’s bringing me down.

NELLY (Sighing) I just have to get back to where I was, Joey. The trainers, the labels… they want that specific silhouette. I’ve got a goal. A hundred pounds, give or take.

JOEY A hundred pounds? Are you kidding me? You’re talking like you’re trying to disappear! Look, I’ve seen you at your peak. A few years back? You were at “peak booty,” Nelly. Absolute peak “thick” stage. It was a vibe. It was the vibe.

NELLY (Cracking a small smile) You think?

JOEY I don’t think, I know! You don’t need to go overboard starving yourself just to chase some image that isn’t even you. People loved that version of you because you looked healthy—you looked powerful. You start disappearing, and you lose that spark.

NELLY It’s just a lot of pressure to be “perfect.”

JOEY (Chuckles, gesturing to himself) Take it from a guy who’s been through the wringer: “Perfect” is boring. “Peak” is about how you carry yourself. Don’t let them talk you into a countdown to nothing. You’re already there.

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Joey Jeremiah

Lead singer of the Zit Remedy

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