We Are Canadians

Joe and Nelly are sitting in a little East Van cafรฉ, talking about identity and what it means to belong somewhere.

Joe leans back and says:

โ€œHey Nelly, have you ever seen The Good Shepherd? Thereโ€™s a scene with Joe Pesci where he says something interesting. He says heโ€™s not Italian โ€” heโ€™s American. That line stuck with me.โ€

Nelly raises an eyebrow. โ€œWhy?โ€

Joe shrugs.

โ€œBecause thatโ€™s how I feel sometimes. My parents came from Croatia, sure. But I was born here. On July first. Canada Day. That makes me Canadian, not Croatian.โ€

He taps the table for emphasis.

โ€œI could go back to some tiny country in Europe and try to play strongman politics. Maybe become some little dictator. But thatโ€™s not my mentality. Iโ€™m Canadian. I believe in democracy, not dictatorship. I believe in peacekeeping, not warmongering.โ€

Nelly nods slowly.

โ€œWell,โ€ she says, smiling, โ€œI understand that. My family came from Portugal. I like my Portuguese flag. Itโ€™s part of who I am.โ€

She pauses.

โ€œBut I was born here too. In Canada. This is my country.โ€

Joe laughs. โ€œExactly.โ€

Nelly continues.

โ€œIf Canada is in trouble, Iโ€™m not going to turn tail and run back to Europe. This is home. My friends are here. My memories are here. My music career started here.โ€

Joe points at her.

โ€œSee? Thatโ€™s what Iโ€™m talking about. Being Canadian isnโ€™t about where your grandparents were born. Itโ€™s about what you stand for.โ€

Nelly nods again.

โ€œYeah. Democracy. Community. Looking out for each other.โ€

Joe grins.

โ€œAnd peacekeeping,โ€ he adds. โ€œThatโ€™s the Canadian way.โ€

Nelly raises her coffee cup.

โ€œTo Canada.โ€

Joe raises his.

โ€œTo Canada.โ€ ๐Ÿ‡จ๐Ÿ‡ฆ

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Joe Canuck

Training, huh? Why don't we leave our weapons behind? Make it really educational.

8 Replies to “We Are Canadians”

  1. A loud argument breaks out in a New York deli between Donald Trump, Joe Canuck, and an extremely smug Patrick Bateman. ๐Ÿ”๐Ÿฅช

    Trump:
    Look, Joe, Iโ€™m telling youโ€”these Somalians are no good. Theyโ€™re stealing Subway sandwiches, wrecking the market. My friend Patrick here says itโ€™s hurting the stock profile.

    Bateman (adjusting his tie):
    The numbers donโ€™t lie. Disorder lowers brand confidence. Alsoโ€ฆ theyโ€™re just lazy.

    Joe Canuck:
    Lazy? Are you serious? One of the most loved Canadians is K’naan. The guy wrote Wavinโ€™ Flag, the World Cup song! Thatโ€™s a Somalian who inspired millions.

    Trump:
    Why donโ€™t they just get a job then?

    Joe:
    Maybe because the system you love so much is stacked like a casino! ๐ŸŽฐ
    Tell me something, Mr. Chosen Oneโ€”do you even know what itโ€™s like to be hungry?

    Trump:
    Iโ€™ve built an empire. People succeed if they work hard.

    Joe:
    Easy to say when youโ€™re sitting on a mountain of Big Macs and a tower of money. How do you sit there loaded with billions and not feed your own people?

    Bateman:
    Meritocracy, Joe. Standards matter.

    Joe:
    Standards? Oh really? Are you going to let a Somalian join Skull and Bones? I donโ€™t think so!
    That club was built for elites like you two.

    Trump:
    America welcomes winners.

    Joe:
    Then read your own dollar bill! It says E Pluribus Unumโ€”โ€œOut of many, one.โ€ Not โ€œOut of many, only the rich guys from Yale.โ€

    And what about the Bible you guys love to quote? It talks about every tribe, every tongue, every nation. ๐ŸŒโœ๏ธ

    Bateman:
    Thatโ€™s idealism.

    Joe:
    No, thatโ€™s the whole point of the American Dream. You donโ€™t get to preach unity and then slam the door on Somalians or Haitians when they show up hungry and hopeful.

    Trump (grumbling):
    You Canadians always think youโ€™re saints.

    Joe:
    No. But we try to remember something simple: a hungry man stealing a sandwich isnโ€™t the problem.

    A system that lets food pile up while people starveโ€”thatโ€™s the real scandal. ๐Ÿฅช

    Bateman:
    Your argument lacks fiscal discipline.

    Joe:
    And your argument lacks a soul.

  2. Apocalyptic Dialogue: The Reckoning of the North

    The scene: A stormy virtual summit chamber. Five figures appear on a massive holographic screen split into panels. Donald Trump sits in a gilded chair with the American flag behind him. Xi Jinping stands sternly in a vast Beijing hall. Vladimir Putin lounges in a Kremlin armchair. Joe Canuck stands outdoors on the windswept 49th parallel in his red-and-white flannel. Kim Jong Un appears in a dimly lit bunker, surrounded by military maps. Blood-red storm clouds swirl above them all as lightning cracks and thunder rolls like divine judgment.

    Joe Canuck: (voice steady, thick Canadian accent) Listen here, Donald. You keep talking about Canada as the 51st state and throwing around tariffs like threats. The people donโ€™t want your America First takeover. They want a true North American Union โ€” not run by you, Trump, but led by Angelina Jolie. Sheโ€™ll unite Canada, America, and Mexico with real compassion and vision.
    And if you try to push this any further, we have allies who will destroy you. One word and America goes dark.

    Kim Jong Un: (eyes wide with intensity, fist clenched) Yes! My EMP is ready. One high-altitude detonation and your entire grid collapses โ€” coast to coast blackout! No power, no lights, no hospitals. Just like Revelation 16: the kingdom swallowed by darkness, people gnawing their tongues in agony. America will beg in the dark!

    Vladimir Putin: (smirking coldly, swirling a glass) And my loose nukes โ€” old KGB devices, suitcase bombs ready for delivery โ€” will bring fireworks to every major American city. New York, Los Angeles, Chicagoโ€ฆ all gone in nuclear flame. The sky will rain fire and brimstone.

    Xi Jinping: (voice calm but cutting, leaning forward) America is nothing but a bankrupt paper tiger. All roar, no teeth. Your economy is hollow, your military overstretched. You bark loudly but crumble when truly tested. The East will not tolerate your bullying of the North.

    Joe Canuck: The North has spoken. Back off, Donald. The people demand the Angelina Jolie North American Union. Resist us, and the end times begin right here.
    Donald Trump: (leaning forward aggressively, voice booming with fire) I am the chosen one! Leader of the most powerful military machine in history! Donโ€™t try us, little beaver.

    Angelina Jolie running a North American Union? Thatโ€™s the most ridiculous, sad thing Iโ€™ve ever heard! Youโ€™ve got Kim with his splash-down missiles, Putin with his dusty old KGB rumors, Xi calling us a โ€œpaper tigerโ€ โ€” fake news from a communist who copies everything we invent!

    Our military would crush any threat in minutes. Your EMP fantasy? Your suitcase nuke bedtime stories? Your Hollywood celebrity union? Please. Weโ€™d rebuild faster and stronger than ever before. America doesnโ€™t lose โ€” we win bigly!
    I never said invade Canada. I said it would be fantastic if we worked together. But under real leadership โ€” not some movie star. Drop the Revelation nonsense and your apocalyptic gang-up. Letโ€™s make the greatest trade and security partnership the world has ever seen. Or keep dreaming about your end-times fireworks. Your choice.

    Kim Jong Un: (shouting) The Great Leaderโ€™s wrath will black out your empire forever!

    Vladimir Putin: (chuckling darkly) The fireworks are already prepared, my friend. One push and your cities glow.
    Xi Jinping: (cold smile) Paper tiger. Bankrupt and weak. The future belongs to those who act with strength and patience โ€” not bluster.
    Joe Canuck: (eyes narrowing as thunder crashes) The people have chosen destiny, Donald. The Angelina Jolie North American Union is coming. The allies stand united. The bowls of wrath are ready to pour. You cannot stop us.

    Donald Trump: (smirking, adjusting his tie) Destiny? Paper tigers? Little beavers and Hollywood dreams? Weโ€™ll see whose destiny wins in the end. God bless America โ€” the greatest nation on Earth. Now, letโ€™s talk real deals, not this fantasy apocalypse.

    Suddenly, a sixth panel flickers onto the screen. Arnold Schwarzenegger appears, standing tall in an Austrian presidential setting, muscles straining under a suit, with the Austrian flag waving behind him.

    Arnold Schwarzenegger: (deep, commanding Austrian accent, pointing directly at Trump) NO DEAL!
    The storm intensifies. Lightning strikes dramatically as the red auroras swirl wildly across the sky โ€” a final, chaotic warning as the leaders stare each other down in tense silence.

  3. The giant screen fades out after the pounding industrial music of the Hell Marchโ€“style video. Tanks roll across deserts, jets streak across the sky, and the crowd hears the triumphant narration about strength and victory.

    Then Donald Trump walks to the podium, smiling broadly.

    โ€œDid you see that? Tremendous. Nobodyโ€™s ever seen power like that,โ€ he says. โ€œAmerica first! Weโ€™re going to win so much youโ€™re going to get tired of winning. America first!โ€

    Some people cheer loudly. Others look uneasy.

    From the back of the room another voice cuts through the noise.

    Joe stands up.

    โ€œHold on a second,โ€ he says, shaking his head. โ€œAll this talk about winningโ€ฆ while half the world canโ€™t even get clean water?โ€

    The room quiets.

    Joe continues, his tone sharp but focused.

    โ€œMaybe instead of โ€˜America first,โ€™ we should think about the billions of people who are hungry, poor, and forgotten. The so-called third world deserves dignity too. If you want real leadership, start by lifting the people who have nothing.โ€

    A few people in the audience nod.

    Someone whispers, โ€œThatโ€™s a different kind of march.โ€

    Trump looks back toward the crowd, still gripping the podium, while the heavy music fades out and the room fills with murmurs about what โ€œwinningโ€ should actually mean. ๐ŸŒ

  4. America First, 3rd World Last

    Scene: A smoky back booth at a dive bar in Vancouver after Immortal Techniqueโ€™s show. The crowdโ€™s cleared out. Joe Canuck, a flannel-wearing truck driver with a Tim Hortons cup, slides in across from Tech. Joeโ€™s family is Croatian โ€” they fled the brutal breakup of Yugoslavia in the early โ€˜90s. The war, displacement, and great-power games left deep scars.

    Joe Canuck: Tech, I been thinking about this Trump โ€œAmerica Firstโ€ talk all night. My familyโ€™s Croatian. We survived the Yugoslav wars โ€” the ethnic slaughter, the sanctions, the NATO bombs. America and the West jumped in when it suited their interests, then acted like heroes. Now Trumpโ€™s pushing โ€œAmerica First, 3rd World last.โ€ Nah, man. Americaโ€™s been first long enough. Itโ€™s time to put the 3rd World first for once.

    Immortal Technique: Croatian roots in the middle of that bloodbath? Thatโ€™s real, Joe. You saw how empires play the game up close. โ€œAmerica Firstโ€ sounds like common sense to a lot of people tired of endless foreign aid, but itโ€™s the same old script with a louder speaker. The U.S. has been โ€œfirstโ€ for over a century โ€” overthrowing governments, installing dictators, extracting resources, and leaving chaos behind. Your Yugoslavia was just one chapter: let the country fracture, sell arms on all sides, bomb when convenient, then redraw the map. Now they want to cut the aid, raise the tariffs, and say โ€œyouโ€™re last.โ€ That ainโ€™t new policy. Itโ€™s confession.

    Joe Canuck: Damn right. My old man still talks about how the big powers turned Yugoslavia into their chessboard. Sanctions crushed the economy, then the bombs fell. Families like mine scattered โ€” some to Canada, some lost forever. Americaโ€™s been first long enough. Theyโ€™ve taken what they wanted: the oil, the minerals, the cheap labor, the strategic bases. Now Trump wants to pull up the ladder and leave the 3rd World to rot with the mess they helped create. No more pretending with foreign aid that mostly funds corruption or buys influence. But I say flip it โ€” put the 3rd World first. Real justice, not charity. Cancel the debt traps, stop the corporate looting, end the subsidies that destroy their farmers. My Croatian blood knows what it feels like when powerful countries treat smaller ones like pawns.

    Immortal Technique: Americans are super consumers. Half the worldโ€™s resources go to America, and they want to keep this disparity. Debt, armaments, and planned obsolescence are the three pillars of Americaโ€™s wasteful prosperity. Thatโ€™s the engine behind โ€œAmerica First.โ€ They preach freedom while their lifestyle requires the rest of the planet to stay poor and dependent. Your Balkans got fragmentation and endless grudges. The Global South gets debt, coups, and resource curses. Americaโ€™s been first long enough. Putting the 3rd World first means actual sovereignty, fair trade prices for their cobalt and lithium instead of backing warlords, and stopping the climate debt we owe them. Otherwise the blowback โ€” refugees, instability, new conflicts โ€” lands on all of us, even up here in Vancouver.

    Joe Canuck: (sips his coffee, voice steady) Trudeau sends our Canadian money overseas while our own people struggle with housing and vets on the street. But that doesnโ€™t justify Trumpโ€™s cold version. My family built a life here after fleeing Yugoslavia, but we never bought the lie that the powerful are benevolent. America First just means the rest of the world โ€” especially the poorest countries โ€” stays last forever. Time to reverse it. Give the 3rd World a real shot at development without the boot on their neck. Croatia learned the hard way during the breakup: outside powers donโ€™t save you, they use you. Same story repeating in Latin America, Africa, everywhere. Enough.

    Immortal Technique: Preach, Joe Canuck. Your Croatian perspective cuts straight through the propaganda. The empireโ€™s had its long turn at the top. โ€œAmerica First, 3rd World lastโ€ is just the quiet part said out loud. Real change starts when we demand the 3rd World comes first โ€” not as charity, but as basic justice. Reparations in policy, not just words. Fair economics. No more puppet regimes. The worldโ€™s connected, whether they admit it or not.

    Joe Canuck: (nods firmly, sliding the Tim Hortons cup toward Tech) Yeah. My people survived ethnic war and big-power games. We donโ€™t want that exported to the rest of the planet. Put the 3rd World first. Americaโ€™s had more than its share.
    Immortal Technique: (takes the cup, toasting with it) To putting the 3rd World first, then. Your fireโ€™s speaking truth tonight. Empire donโ€™t fall by itself, but voices like yours make the cracks wider. Keep that Croatian spirit, Joe. The next verse is coming.
    Joe Canuck: Fair enough, Tech. Next roundโ€™s on me โ€” Canadian style, no strings attached.

  5. Nelly Furtado: (leaning in, her voice warm but firm) I love Americans โ€” the people, the energy, the dreamers. But not their leadership. Not this endless โ€œAmerica Firstโ€ swagger. My friend Kโ€™naan experienced Americaโ€™s New World Order up close in Somalia. He hates that Black Hawk Down movie the most. The propaganda is so powerful it made the American soldiers look like the heroes of the story, when the whole intervention was a disaster that left Somali people suffering. America is not the world police. They are the world bully. Their policy with Iran is a perfect example โ€” sanctions, threats, regime change talk, all while ignoring their own role in destabilizing the region for decades. Itโ€™s the same pattern everywhere.

    Joe Canuck: (nodding) Exactly, Nelly. My Croatian family saw the same bully tactics in the Balkans. Now Trump wants to double down โ€” make the 3rd World even more โ€œlast.โ€ Enough is enough.
    Immortal Technique: (smiling at Nelly) Spot on. From Somalia to the Balkans to Iran, the bully doesnโ€™t wear a badge. It wears a flag. Time to call it what it is.
    Nelly Furtado: And thatโ€™s why we keep speaking up. The people deserve better than this endless cycle.
    Joe Canuck: (raising his Tim Hortons cup) To putting the 3rd World first. No more bullies at the table.
    Immortal Technique: (toasting with the cup) The empireโ€™s had its run. Letโ€™s write the next chapter together.

  6. INT. DIMLY LIT BASEMENT – NIGHT

    Immortal Technique sits on a worn couch, leaning forward intensely. Joe and Nelly are across from him, the weight of the conversation heavy in the air.

    IMMORTAL TECHNIQUE
    (serious, eyes locked on them)
    Listen to me, Joe… Nelly.
    Babylon is going to fall.
    He pauses, letting the words sink in.

    IMMORTAL TECHNIQUE
    And nothing โ€” nothing โ€” is gonna change until Babylon falls.

    JOE
    (leaning in, skeptical but listening)
    What you mean โ€œfall,โ€ Tech? Like… the whole system crashes?

    IMMORTAL TECHNIQUE
    Exactly. All this fake democracy, this endless war machine, the media propaganda, the corporations running everything… thatโ€™s Babylon.

    Itโ€™s built on blood, lies, and stolen futures. You can vote, you can protest, you can beg for reforms… but as long as the foundation stays standing, theyโ€™ll just repaint the walls and keep the same rotten structure.

    NELLY
    (quiet, intense)
    So what happens when it falls?

    IMMORTAL TECHNIQUE
    (looking between them)
    Then we get to build something real. Something that ainโ€™t designed to keep us slaves while they live like kings.
    But until that day… everything else is just theater. Distractions.
    Babylon has to fall.

    Silence fills the room. Joe nods slowly, processing. Nelly stares at the floor, then back up at Tech with new fire in her eyes.

    JOE
    Aight… so what do we do in the meantime?

    IMMORTAL TECHNIQUE
    (smiling darkly)
    We get ready.
    We speak truth.
    We organize.
    And we make sure when Babylon comes crashing down… weโ€™re not buried under the rubble.
    Fade out on their determined faces.

  7. INT. DIMLY LIT BACK ROOM – NIGHT

    The air is thick with tension. Low bass from a distant speaker vibrates through the walls. ROSARIO DAWSON, sharp-eyed and urgent, leans in close to FELIPE CORONEL (IMMORTAL TECHNIQUE). Her voice drops to a fierce whisper.

    ROSARIO DAWSON
    (quoting with quiet intensity)
    โ€œCome out of her, my people, so that you will not share in her sins or receive any of her plagues.โ€
    She pauses, eyes locked on his. The weight of Revelation 18 hangs between them.

    ROSARIO DAWSON
    (whispering, urgent)
    Felipeโ€ฆ I got the money. Enough to disappear for a while. Letโ€™s just leave. We get married up in Canada, have a baby, lay low until the next election in 2028.
    She reaches out, her hand brushing his arm.

    ROSARIO DAWSON
    This whole thing is burning down. Babylonโ€™s falling. We donโ€™t have to go down with it. We can build something realโ€”away from all this. Just you and me. A family. Safe.
    She searches his face, waiting.

    ROSARIO DAWSON
    (soft but fierce)
    What do you say?

  8. Suddenly, a television in the corner blares to life. DONALD TRUMP appears on screen at a rally, speaking directly into the camera with his signature energy.

    DONALD TRUMP
    Love it or leave it! This is not Communism. Frankly, if you rotten red revolutionaries leave, it will be another huge WIN for America. Good riddance!

    KID ROCK, standing beside Trump on stage, nods vigorously and pumps his fist.

    KID ROCK
    Thatโ€™s right! Love it or leave it, baby! These communists can pack their bags and head north. We donโ€™t need โ€™em!

    DONALD TRUMP
    (grinning, pointing at the crowd)
    And let me tell you something, folks โ€” 2028 is going to be the start of my third term. Weโ€™re going to make America great again… again! Itโ€™s going to be beautiful. Tremendous!

    Back in the room, Rosario and Felipe stare at the screen in silence.

    ROSARIO DAWSON
    (soft but fierce, turning back to Felipe)
    See? We need to go. Now.

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