Joe steps up to the microphone and looks out at the crowd.
“Tonight I want to talk about very important people,” he begins. “Not entertainers. Not celebrities. I’m talking about the people who keep civilization from collapsing.”
Joe pauses.
“Garbage men.”
He shrugs.
“Think about it. If Billie Eilish stopped singing tomorrow, the world would keep spinning. If Nelly Furtado retired and never recorded another song, the planet wouldn’t stop. People would still go to work. Kids would still go to school.”
Joe raises a finger.
“But if the garbage man stops working…”
He lets the silence hang.
“Within a month the rats would take over the streets. Disease spreads. You start hearing words like the Black Death again.”
The crowd shifts.
“So tell me,” Joe says, “who is the essential worker?”
He leans forward.
“Yet people worship celebrities like saints. Fans, fanatics, stalkers… people losing their minds over someone who sings songs for a living.”
Joe shakes his head.
“I’ve never even been to Toronto,” he says with a laugh. “And I’m not the kind of guy who shows up at someone’s door like a lunatic.”
He looks straight into the camera.
“To be honest—and I’m not bragging—I’m probably better looking than half the guys you dated, Furtado.”
The crowd laughs.
“But if you don’t want me, that’s fine. Just give a guy a little closure. A little catharsis.”
Joe spreads his hands.
“My point is simple: entertainers aren’t essential workers. They’re not gods. They’re not prophets.”
He nods slowly.
“So maybe stop putting them on a pedestal. Stop pretending they’re your role models.”
Joe points toward the street outside.
“And maybe thank the guy who takes away your garbage… because he’s the one actually keeping civilization alive.”