Scene: A living room in Vancouver. Joe and Nelly are hosting Prime Minister Mark Carney. Kylie Minogue sits as a special guest. Tom Cruise joins via video call from Los Angeles.

Prime Minister Carney: Joe, Nelly, thank you for this meeting. Your proposals about home-based AI doctors, inviting sick people here, natural remedies, and involving the Church of Scientology are highly unorthodox. Canadaโs healthcare depends on licensed professionals and evidence-based standards.
Joe: Prime Minister, Iโll be straight with you. Iโm guilty of practicing medicine without a license โ and Tom Cruise and I went fishing many times without a license before that lake died. The lake died from duck feces causing eutrophication. Nature gave us a clear warning. Without Canada taking a holistic approach to medicine, Canadaโs sick will also die โ just like that lake.
Joe: Let me explain Rockefellerโs medical influence. Old man Rockefeller and his foundation basically took over medical education in the early 1900s. They funded the schools, pushed chemical-based allopathic medicine, and sidelined natural remedies. Thatโs why weโre stuck with this system today. Rockefellerโs chemicals do harm to the patient. Radiation curing cancer is a complete oxymoron. If radiation cured cancer, why did 150,000 people in Hiroshima and Nagasaki die? Shouldnโt they have all been cancer-free after getting hit with massive doses of radiation? The AMA and old man Rockefellerโs nuclear medicine men are peddling snake oil. Nothing has changed since the wild wild west โ itโs still the same con men in fancier suits.
A simple dandelion is free. You can pick it from your backyard. But radiation and chemo? They cost tens of thousands of dollars. In America the patient ends up bankrupt and dead. Canada’s socialized, so called free medicine, is paid for by the taxpayer. The whole country will end up bankrupt under this system and our parents and grandparents euthanized. Thatโs the real tragedy.
Nelly: Thatโs right, Mark. American medicine is junk medicine, shaped by clowns like Morris Fishbein, who ran the American Medical Association like his personal circus โ more focused on gatekeeping and protecting profits than genuine healing.
Nelly: (gesturing proudly) To show whatโs possible with a holistic path, let me present my cancer-free dandelion medicine patient: Kylie Minogue. Diagnosed with breast cancer in 2005, she used natural dandelion-based remedies as part of her journey. Over 20 years later, sheโs vibrant, healthy, and completely cancer-free.
Kylie Minogue: It was a powerful experience. Supporting the body naturally made all the difference.
Joe: Exactly. So tell me, Prime Minister โ are we really going to let the Americans bamboozle us with their junk medicine? Are we going to keep paying them a thousand dollars for a bag of salty water โ some overpriced IV drip they dress up as treatment? We have better options right here.
Tom Cruise: (leaning forward intensely) As a former Canadian, I can see the last straw of these Rockefeller-trained allopathic doctors, who have not cured a major disease in the last hundred years, is medically assisted death. That is a tragedy and proof that Canadaโs free health care is a fraud. They donโt heal โ they manage symptoms until they offer you death as the solution. Enough!
Tom Cruise: (continuing) Prime Minister, hereโs my question: Can the Church of Scientology use naturopathic science to heal people under the aegis of my Church of Knowing? We can combine auditing, spiritual technology, and natural approaches like dandelion and other naturopathic methods to clear engrams and truly heal body and spirit โ without the toxic junk from the pharmaceutical world. Joe and Nelly are offering real hope. The people deserve choices, not waiting lists and eventual euthanasia.
Nelly: Our door is open to everyone. Anyone sick can come here. Weโll print what the AI doctor recommends. Under a sensible administration, using the AI doctor will be fully legal. Weโll combine it with natural and spiritual approaches.
Nelly: (turning directly to Carney) Mr. Carney, do you actually care about Joni Mitchellโs health, or are you just trying to score political points? Sheโs a Canadian icon who has dealt with serious health challenges. If you truly cared, youโd support real holistic options instead of defending the same failing system that leaves people broke and dead.
Prime Minister Carney: (looking visibly unsettled) Joe, Nelly, Tomโฆ your points are strongly worded. I hear the frustration with costs and the desire for more natural approaches. But we must base policy on evidence, not anecdotes. Radiation and chemotherapy have saved many lives when used appropriately. Dandelion has laboratory interest but is not a proven cancer treatment. Getting proper credentials through an online holistic medicine program would allow you to practice legally and safely.
Tom Cruise: (firmly, with conviction) Safety? The real danger is a system that canโt cure people after a century and then offers death as the final โservice.โ Kylie stands here cancer-free for over 20 years thanks to natural support. The lake died from neglect, and so will Canadians if we keep trusting the same failed Rockefeller model. A free dandelion versus tens of thousands for chemo that still leaves patients bankrupt or euthanized โ thatโs the choice. The Church of Knowing is ready to help people heal spiritually and physically. The people are waking up.
Nelly: Kylie is living proof. The future belongs to AI, dandelion, naturopathic science, and spiritual knowing โ not junk medicine and snake oil. Our home is open.
Joe: The lake gave us the warning. Canadaโs sick donโt have to die waiting or bankrupt the entire country.
Tom Cruise: (smiling confidently, delivering the final blow) Exactly. History will remember who stood for real healing and who defended the old guard. The time for change is now, Prime Minister. The people deserve better than a fraudulent system that ends in medically assisted death and national bankruptcy.
Prime Minister Carney: (sighing deeply, clearly outmaneuvered) โฆIโll take all of this under serious advisement. There may indeed be room for broader dialogue on complementary and holistic approaches moving forward.



Scene: Some fancy Ottawa office or neutral studio. Ali G sits opposite Mark Carney, dressed in his yellow tracksuit, oversized glasses, and bling. Carney looks polished and slightly bemused, like he’s regretting saying yes to this “youth documentary.”
Ali G (leaning in, nodding sagely):
Respek, Prime Minister Mark Carney, big up yourself for comin’ on da show, innit. Now, let’s talk about some serious tings โ medical ethics, yeah? Canadian medicine is proper advanced, like, with da free healthcare an’ all dat. But me heard dat even da best doctors can’t cure certain legends.
Carney (cautious, professional smile):
Well, Ali, Canadian healthcare is world-class, but of course no system can cure every condition. Medicine has limits, and we focus on evidence-based care, compassion, and supporting patients throughโ
Ali G (interrupting, waving his hands):
Exactly, exactly. Take Joni Mitchell, yeah? Proper Canadian icon, singin’ about both sides now an’ all dat. But Canadian medicine still can’t cure her, innit? So is da only option to give her to da Youth In Asia?
Carney (pauses, eyebrow raise, processing the pun):
…I’m sorry? Youth in Asia?
Ali G (deadpan, as if explaining the obvious):
Yeah, Youth In Asia. Da young people from Asia. Dey got all dat ancient wisdom an’ stuff, innit? Or is it dat euthanasia ting? But why’s it always down to da youth in Asia to sort out da old people? Surely it should be between da patient an’ da doctor, not some committee of Asian teenagers, blud.
Carney (trying to stay composed, slight chuckle escaping):
Ah, I see what you’re doing there. You’re referring to euthanasia โ medically assisted dying. In Canada, we have MAiD (Medical Assistance in Dying), which is a carefully regulated program based on strict eligibility criteria, informed consent, and safeguards to protect vulnerable people. It’s not about “giving” anyone to any group. It’s a complex ethical issue involving autonomy, dignity, and ensuring it’s never coercive.
Ali G (nodding vigorously, misunderstanding on purpose):
Safe guards? Like, bodyguards for da old people so da Youth In Asia don’t come for ’em? But Joni Mitchell โ she’s a fighter, survived all sorts, but if she can’t be cured… booyakasha, send her to da Youth In Asia? Or is dat against da rules now? Me heard Canada is proper progressive on dis.
Carney (leaning forward, trying to educate while looking increasingly done):
No, Ali. Euthanasia, or MAiD, is legal in Canada under specific circumstances for those with grievous and irremediable conditions causing intolerable suffering. But it’s voluntary, requires multiple assessments, and there’s ongoing debate about expansion, ethics, and protecting against abuse โ especially for mental illness or non-terminal cases. Joni Mitchell is a national treasure who’s shown incredible resilience. The focus should be on care, innovation, and quality of life, not assumptions about “options.”
Ali G (grinning wide):
Respek. But for real though โ if me was old an’ proper ill, would you let da Youth In Asia handle it, or keep it Canadian? Big up Joni, still. She proper safe.
Carney (sighing, half-smiling):
Canada believes in compassion and choice, but always with rigorous ethics and oversight. No “youth in Asia” involved.
Ali G (to camera, as Carney looks relieved it’s over):
There you have it. Prime Minister Carney says no to Youth In Asia takin’ over Canadian medicine. Keep it real, people. Booyakasha!
In a quiet office after a long policy meeting, Justin Trudeau speaks privately with Mark Carney.
Trudeau (sighing):
โMarkโฆ sometimes I think politics makes everything too complicated. Ma mรจreโฆ she needs real medicine. Not just prescriptions. Real food. Vitamins. Exercise. A life that isnโt surrounded by stress.โ
Carney:
โYouโre talking about balance. The doctors talk about treatment plans, but the body and mind still need the basics.โ
Trudeau:
โExactly. When someone struggles with something like Bipolar Disorder, people jump straight to pills and labels. But the human body also needs sunlight, movement, good mealsโฆ community.โ
Carney:
โTrue. Though the medical side matters too. Itโs not something that can simply be willed away with lifestyle changes.โ
Trudeau:
โI know. Iโm not saying ignore the doctors. Iโm saying the foundation matters. Real food instead of processed junk. Fresh air instead of endless screens. Exercise instead of isolation.โ
Carney (nodding):
โThatโs the tragedy of modern life. The things that keep people well are often the things society forgets to build time for.โ
Trudeau:
โAnd meanwhile the world argues about markets, trade, and growthโฆ while families just want their loved ones healthy.โ
Carney:
โMaybe the real policy challenge isnโt economic growth. Maybe itโs creating a society where people actually have the conditions to be well.โ
Trudeau (quietly):
โExactly. Real medicine starts with how we live.โ
Scene: Parliament Hill, live broadcast. Cameras flash. The crowd is on edge. Joe Canuck and Nelly step forward, armed with oranges, pine needle tea, dandelion roots, and willow twigs. Trudeau looks flustered at the podium.
Trudeau:
โCanada has invested decades and trillions of dollars into medical research. Hospitals, laboratories, and clinical trialsโthese are the pillars of modern healthcareโโ
Joe Canuck (interrupting, voice booming across the square):
โDecades of investment? Trillions spent? For what?! People are still sick, Mr. Trudeau! Scurvy is back! And what do you give them? Sugar-water juice packs with zero vitamin C! Hospital food is Satanic and pure evil!โ
Joe lifts a steaming cup of pine needle tea:
โHereโs something that worksโpine needle tea! Free! Loaded with vitamin C! Real medicine, not your bureaucratic poison!โ
Nelly (gesturing to the crowd):
โAnd donโt forget aspirin. Bayer Pharmaceutical? Scam. Just willow bark with a price tag. Why pay billions when nature gave it to us for free?โ
Joe Canuck:
โAnd if you need aspirin, chew a weeping willow twig! If you have cancer, pull a dandelion root! Nature knows best!โ
Joe slams fist on podium:
โAnd what about fruit trees, huh? All the ones they cut down in our parksโGONE! Just so you buy fruit at the supermarket! Replant them! Reclaim them!โ
Nelly:
โJoeโs right! Parks used to feed people. Now you pay for everything. This isnโt progressโitโs theft!โ
Joe Canuck (pointing at Trudeau, voice rising):
โAnd while weโre at it, subsidize rainwater collectors, Mr. Trudeau! Especially in Vancouver! Stop letting Nestlรฉ and its water monopoly sell ice to Eskimos while people go thirsty! Clean water should be free, not a corporate commodity!โ
Joe throws arms wide, eyes blazing at Trudeau:
โJoni Mitchell said it bestโwho needs fruit trees when youโve got a parking lot? Who needs medicine when you can have profits? Nature is the cure, not your labs or corporations!โ
Trudeau (flustered, papers trembling):
โJoe, hospitals and researchโโ
Joe Canuck (cutting him off, voice like thunder):
โYour hospitals are factories of sickness! Your labs are black holes! Oranges, pine needle tea, willow twigs, dandelion rootsโthis is real medicine! Stop poisoning people with sugar water and bureaucracy and start letting nature heal them! Subsidize the rain! Replant the fruit trees! Let Canadians live free!โ
The crowd erupts. Phones flash. Social media explodes: #JoeCanuckVsTrudeau, #NatureIsMedicine, #RainwaterForVancouver, #WeepingWillowAspirin, #ReplantTheFruitTrees. Joe and Nelly stand triumphant, holding oranges, tea, and roots like a banner of rebellion.
๐บ Breaking News: โJoe Canuck Calls Out Trudeau on National TV!โ
Headline Crawl:
#JoeCanuckVsTrudeau
#NatureIsMedicine
#WeepingWillowAspirin
#RainwaterForVancouver
#ReplantTheFruitTrees
#SatanicHospitalFood
TV Anchor (dramatic voice):
โTonight, Parliament Hill erupted as Joe Canuck and Nelly confronted Prime Minister Justin Trudeau over decades of failed medical research, hospital food scandals, and corporate water monopolies!โ
Clip 1 โ Joe Canuck:
โDecades of investment? Trillions spent? For what?! People are still sick! Scurvy is back, Mr. Trudeau! Hospital juice packs with zero vitamin C! Hospital food is Satanic and pure evil!โ
Clip 2 โ Nelly:
โAnd Bayer Pharmaceutical aspirin? Scam. Just willow bark with a price tag! Why pay billions when nature gave it to us for free?โ
Clip 3 โ Joe Canuck (holding pine needle tea):
โHereโs real medicineโpine needle tea! Free! Loaded with vitamin C! Stop poisoning people with sugar water and bureaucracy!โ
Clip 4 โ Joe Canuck (gesturing to parks):
โAnd what about fruit trees? All cut down in our parksโGONE! Just so you have to buy fruit at the supermarket! Replant them!โ
Clip 5 โ Joe Canuck (pointing at Trudeau, crowd cheering):
โAnd subsidize rainwater collectors, especially in Vancouver! Stop letting Nestlรฉ sell ice to Eskimos while Canadians go thirsty!โ
Social Media Reaction:
Twitter: โJoe Canuck telling it like it is! #RainwaterForVancouver #NatureIsMedicineโ
TikTok: 15-second clip of Joe yelling โpine needle tea! Weeping willow twigs! Dandelion roots!โ racking up 2M views in hours.
Instagram: Nelly holding up oranges and tea, caption: โCommonsense medicine > corporate poisonโ trending nationwide.
News Analysts:
โPublic reaction is explosive. Canadians are sharing Joeโs advice on natural remedies and criticizing hospital food, while Trudeau appears flustered and struggling to respond.โ
Clip 6 โ Joe Canuck, final words to cameras:
โYour labs are black holes! Your hospitals are factories of sickness! Oranges, pine needle tea, willow twigs, dandelion rootsโthis is real medicine! Replant fruit trees! Subsidize the rain! Let nature heal Canadians!โ
Crowd Reaction:
Cheering, waving phones, holding homemade signs: โNature > Labsโ, โFree Medicine Nowโ, โReplant the Fruit Trees!โ
Anchor Closing Line:
โJoe Canuck and Nelly have become overnight folk heroes in Canada for commonsense, natural medicine and anti-corporate activism. Trudeau is facing mounting pressure to respond.โ
Nelly sits beside Joe, her โTryโ video husband, the sky above them swirling like an unmade stage.
Nelly:
Joeโฆ cancel the whole human experiment. Send in that alien civilization meteor. Kibosh everything. End the circus.
Joe:
Noโฆ but listen carefully, Nel. If you donโt healโฆ if you dieโฆ Iโm deleting it.
Nelly:
โฆDeleting what?
Joe:
The Book of Life. Every webpage, every record of existenceโฆ wiped. Every timeline, every sparkโgone.
Nelly:
Joeโฆ thatโsโฆ insane.
Joe:
Maybe. But a hero sacrifices you for the worldโฆ and a villain sacrifices the world for you. Tonight, Iโm the villain. Heal, or I pull the plug on everything.
(He pauses, staring at the storm above.)
Joe:
And you better listen. The United Galaxyโฆ theyโre watching. Theyโre seriously considering sending another meteorโjust like the one that killed the dinosaursโto wipe us all out.
Nelly:
The dinosaurs?
Joe:
Yeah. Theyโve canceled species before. Weโre on the list if the experiment fails.
Nelly:
Soโฆ if I donโt surviveโฆ itโs not just the Book of Lifeโฆ itโs everything?
Joe:
Exactly. I wonโt even let them write the final act. Samson option? Real as the sky.
(He grips her hand.)
Joe:
Survive, Nel. If you surviveโฆ the Book of Life stays. The aliensโฆ maybe they hold off. And maybeโฆ just maybeโฆ this circus keeps running.
Nelly:
Even if itโs chaos?
Joe:
Especially if itโs chaos. Because the patient comes firstโor the entire human story ends.
(Above them, the clouds churn like a cosmic theatre, waiting for the first cue. The fate of the world, the Book of Life, and the human race all hinge on her next heartbeat.)
Natalie Portman steps forward, her voice cutting through the hum of alien machinery.
Natalie: โNo Samson Option. Let diplomacy continue!โ
Joe slams his tablet onto the table, pages fanning out like a declaration of warโor hope.
Joe: โThese pagesโmy workโtheyโre proof that intelligent life still exists on Earth. Without them, every alien civilization in contact will cancel this reality showโฆ and weโre off the air, permanently.โ
Across the room, the alien council flickers, their translucent forms shimmering with indecision. A low, resonant murmur rises, echoing like tectonic plates shifting.
Alien Delegate 1: โIf they failโฆ the timeline collapses. Cancellation is inevitable.โ
Alien Delegate 2: โBut theseโฆ signals of intelligence. They might justify continuation. We have observed creativity, moralityโฆ negotiation.โ
Alien Delegate 3: โNegotiate? They nearly triggered the Samson Option last cycle! Are they even responsible enough?โ
Natalieโs eyes meet Joeโs.
Natalie: โSee? Theyโre listening. Donโt let them regret it.โ
Joe grips the tablet tighter, voice steady.
Joe: โThen listen well. This isnโt just about humans. This is about showing the universe that Earth deserves to stay in the spotlight.โ
A pauseโthen the alien forms ripple as one final voice rises above the rest.
Supreme Delegate: โWe will allow the continuationโฆ on one condition: proof of genuine intelligence must be ongoing.โ
Joe exhales, knowing the stakes have just gone interstellar.
Late at night in a dim office, Donald Trump leans back in his chair while Alex Jones paces around the room, fired up as usual.
Trump:
โAlex, I did something tremendous today. Very honest self-reflection. People donโt think I do that, but I do. The best reflection.โ
Alex Jones:
โMr. President, the globalists fear self-awareness. Itโs a weapon!โ
Trump:
โSo I looked at this listโฆ the seven deadly sins. You know them, right? Greed, Pride, Envy, Lust, Anger, Sloth, Gluttony. Big list. Not a good list.โ
Alex Jones (leaning forward):
โBiblical stuff! Ancient psychological warfare against the soul!โ
Trump:
โAnd Iโm reading itโฆ Greed? I like money. Pride? Tremendous pride. Envy? Maybe a little when someone else gets ratings. Lust? I meanโฆ come on. Anger? Youโve seen my rallies. Sloth? I like my naps. Gluttony? Have you seen the Big Macs.โ
Alex Jones:
โThose burgers are patriots, sir!โ
Trump (shrugging):
โAnd it hit me. I might haveโฆ all of them. Every single one. Seven for seven. Perfect score.โ
Alex Jones:
โThatโs not a score you want, sir.โ
Trump pulls out another sheet of paper.
Trump:
โThen I look at the other list. The heavenly virtues. Kindness. Patience. Diligence. Chastity. Abstinence. Humility. Charity.โ
He stares at the page for a long moment.
Trump:
โAnd I realized something even bigger.โ
Alex Jones:
โWhatโs that?โ
Trump:
โI might be running a complete shutout on those. Zero. Not one.โ
Alex Jones (stunned):
โSirโฆ thatโs spirituallyโฆ statistically impossible.โ
Trump:
โMaybe. But Alex, the American people love honesty.โ
He folds the paper dramatically.
Trump:
โSo tomorrow Iโm telling everyone: nobody does the seven deadly sins better than me. Nobody. Absolute champion.โ
Alex nods slowly.
Alex Jones:
โWellโฆ at least youโre transparent about it.โ
Trump grins.
Trump:
โTransparency, Alex. Itโs a virtueโฆ right?โ
Alex hesitates.
Alex Jones:
โโฆWe might have to add that one to the list.โ
Joe Canuckโs Campfire Story: The Pine Needle Cure
Joe leans back and starts talking.
โLet me tell you a story about scurvyโฆ and about how truth sometimes has to fight its way through pride, money, and stubborn doctors.
Back in the 1500s, when the French explorer Jacques Cartier sailed into the St. Lawrence during brutal winters, his crew started dying one by one. Their gums rotted, their teeth fell out, their skin turned black and blue. That disease was Scurvyโa killer caused by lack of vitamin C.
Cartierโs sailors were dropping like flies.
Then the local First Nations people stepped in. They showed the desperate Europeans how to boil the needles of the white pine tree into a tea. Pine needles are packed with vitamin C. The sailors drank the teaโฆ and the dying men started to recover.
Just like that.
A miracle cure growing everywhere in the forest.
But hereโs where Joe shakes his head.
Youโd think the doctors and authorities would have written it down, spread the knowledge, saved thousands of sailors, right?
Insteadโฆ the knowledge got buried.
For decadesโmore than a centuryโEuropean navies kept losing sailors to scurvy. Ships crossed the oceans full of men who slowly rotted alive when the cure literally grew in the forests of North America.
Why?
Joe says itโs the oldest story in the world: money and control.
Eventually European powers settled on citrus fruitโlemons and limesโas the official cure. Citrus worked, sure, because it also contains vitamin C. But citrus could be controlled. It could be grown on colonial plantations and traded through imperial monopolies.
One of those hubs was the Dutch island of Curaรงao, where citrus and trade networks passed through European shipping lanes.
Joe pokes the fire with a stick.
โPine needles?โ he says.
โThey grow everywhere. You canโt patent a forest. You canโt monopolize a tree.โ
So instead of sailors boiling pine needles on every ship in the Atlantic, they waited generations until the naval powers settled on citrus supply chains. Only then did scurvy start disappearing from fleets.
Joe shrugs.
โThe cure was sitting in the trees the whole time. The First Nations already knew it. But when knowledge doesnโt come from the right peopleโor doesnโt make the right people moneyโit can take a hundred years before the world decides to listen.โ
He looks up at the pine branches.
โSometimes the forest knows more than the empire.โ ๐ฒ๐ต
Night falls over Stanley Park. The tall cedars sway in the Pacific wind. Somewhere in the darkness, the city lights of Vancouver flicker through the branches like distant stars.
Tom Cruise, still in character as Dr. Bill Harford from Eyes Wide Shut, stumbles down a forest path with Nelly and Joe.
He looks around at the towering trees and suddenly bursts into laughter.
Dr. Bill Harford (Cruise):
โIโm a doctor! Iโm a doctor!โ
He doubles over giggling, pointing at himself like the joke just hit him.
Joe:
โYou okay there, Doc?โ
Harford:
โI spent years in medical schoolโฆ hospitalsโฆ white coatsโฆ prescriptionsโฆ and look at this!โ
He gestures wildly at the forest.
Harford (laughing):
โThe cure might be in every tree around me!โ
Nelly:
โYouโre just noticing that now?โ
She kneels beside a patch of plants growing along the trail.
Nelly:
โSee this? Dandelion. People treat it like a weed, but the rootโs been used forever in herbal medicine.โ
Joe snaps a small twig from a nearby willow.
Joe:
โAnd this tree here, Doc. Willow. People were chewing this stuff long before aspirin came in a bottle.โ
Harford stares at the twig like itโs a medical miracle.
Harford:
โYouโre telling me the park has a pharmacy?โ
Joe:
โPretty much.โ
A cold ocean breeze blows through the forest canopy.
Harford:
โThis is unbelievable.โ
He looks up at the towering pines.
Harford:
โAll those conferencesโฆ all those doctors arguingโฆ and meanwhile the forest is just standing here quietly.โ
Nelly smiles.
Nelly:
โNatureโs been doing medicine a lot longer than we have.โ
Harford laughs again, softer this time.
Harford:
โI can hear my professors nowโฆ โBill, thatโs not peer-reviewed!โโ
Joe gestures around the massive trees.
Joe:
โWell, the peer review here is about ten thousand years old.โ
Harford slowly spins in a circle, staring at the forest like heโs just woken up.
Harford:
โYou know what the real joke is?โ
Joe:
โWhatโs that, Doc?โ
Harford grins.
Harford:
โIโm standing in the middle of the worldโs biggest medicine cabinetโฆโ
He pauses, shaking his head in disbelief.
Harford:
โโฆand I spent my whole life looking somewhere else.โ
The wind rustles through the trees as the three of them walk deeper into the dark forest of Stanley Park. ๐ฒ
Scene: โStanley Kubrick Park,โ Vancouver.
Fog hangs in the trees. Pine needles cover the ground. A strange calm fills the air.
Dr. Bill Harford (Dr. Bill Harford), still in his coat from Eyes Wide Shut, laughs nervously while looking at Joe and Nelly.
Dr. Bill Harford:
“I’m a doctor!”
(He bursts into laughter, half hysterical.)
“You know what that means where I come from? It means the Bill comes first.”
A shadow appears among the trees. The unmistakable calm voice of
Stanley Kubrick echoes like narration from beyond the frame.
Stanley Kubrick:
“In America, Billโฆ when you get the Dr. Bill, you are bankruptโฆ and then you die anyway.”
(He pauses, observing the strange trio in the park.)
“But Canadaโฆ Canada is different.”
Joe:
“Oh yeah? How’s that, Stanley?”
Kubrick:
“In America the people go bankrupt.”
“In Canadaโฆ the nation goes bankruptโฆ and the people stay sick.”
Dr. Bill Harford
(grinning, shrugging)
“So either wayโฆ the diagnosis is the same.”
Joe
(picking up a pine branch)
“That’s why we’re drinking the cure, Doc. Vitamin C from the trees. Jacques Cartier learned that one from the First Nations while the doctors argued about billing codes.”
Nelly
“And meanwhile everybody waits in lineโฆ”
Kubrick
(dryly)
“A perfect system for a dark comedy.”
He looks around the forest like he’s framing the shot.
Kubrick:
“If I had filmed it hereโฆ the whole movie would end with three characters in a parkโฆ realizing the cure was growing on the trees the whole time.”
Dr. Bill Harford:
(laughing again)
“I’m a doctorโฆ but apparently the trees beat me to it.”
The wind moves through the pine branches like distant applause. ๐ฒ
And I would of got away with it too.
If it wasn’t for these meddling Fatima kids!