Joe and Nelly sit on a quiet park bench, staring at a phone screen that glows like it holds the secrets of the universe.
Joe sighs.
“Look, Nelly… you’re not alone. I didn’t read the Facebook contract either.”
Nelly Furtado looks up slowly. “You mean… the one where you scroll for ten minutes and click ‘Agree’ just to post a picture of your lunch?”
Joe nods gravely. “That’s the one. Somewhere in paragraph 94, subsection 7… it probably says they own our image in perpetuity. Not just on Earth. I’m talking the entire universe. Mars colonies, Alpha Centauri… everywhere.”
Nelly’s eyes widen. “So if aliens discover Facebook servers floating through space… they technically own my face?”
Joe shrugs. “Legally speaking? Probably.”
Suddenly a loud cackle echoes through the park.
From behind a tree emerges Dave Chappelle, doubled over in laughter.
“HAHAHAHA!” Chappelle wipes tears from his eyes. “Hold up… hold up… y’all just NOW realized that?”
Joe squints. “Dave, what’s so funny?”
Chappelle points at the phone.
“You two signed the same contract as everybody else on Earth! Man, they probably got clauses for Jupiter influencers already.”
Nelly groans and puts her face in her hands.
“So my image belongs to Facebook… forever?”
Chappelle nods dramatically.
“Forever, ever. If humanity colonizes the galaxy, some intern on Saturn’s moon Titan gonna be moderating your 2007 MySpace haircut.”
Joe leans back on the bench.
“Well… at least we’re in the same boat.”
Chappelle laughs even harder.
“Nah man… that ain’t a boat.”
He points at the phone again.
“That’s a spaceship… and y’all already signed the boarding pass.” 🚀