Joe sat across from Nelly at the old diner, shaking his head as he stared at a chipped coffee mug.
“You know what my first lesson in late-night television was?” he asked. “Never trust a man smiling beside a mountain of knives.”
Nelly laughed. “You got scammed by one of those infomercials?”
“Not just any infomercial,” Joe said dramatically. “I’m talking about Ron Popeil himself. The king of ‘But wait, there’s more!’”
Joe leaned back like a war veteran remembering battle.
“It was three in the morning. I was tired, vulnerable, spiritually weak. Then Ron appears on the television holding these ‘Showtime’ knives. He slices a tomato so thin you could read a newspaper through it. Then he cuts a boot in half. Then a pipe. Then a pineapple. I thought this man had forged Excalibur.”
Nelly burst out laughing. “So you bought them?”
“Oh, I bought the deluxe package,” Joe groaned. “Knives, sharpening tool, bonus steak knives, probably a VHS tape on how to survive the apocalypse. Ron kept saying the deal would disappear forever if I didn’t call in the next ten minutes. I thought civilization depended on my purchase.”
“And?”
“The knives arrived looking like they’d been forged in the fires of disappointment,” Joe said. “One couldn’t even cut a ripe tomato. I tried slicing bread and nearly folded the blade like a spoon.”
Nelly nearly spit out her drink laughing. “Joe, how many did you order?”
Joe looked ashamed. “Two sets. I thought I was investing in the future.”
“What did you learn from this tragedy?”
Joe raised a finger like a philosopher. “That exhaustion is dangerous. Never make financial decisions at three in the morning while a television man yells at you beside rotating steak platters.”
Nelly smirked. “So Ron Popeil defeated you?”
Joe shook his head slowly.
“No. He taught me. Somewhere out there, another tired soul is watching a glowing television, wondering if a miracle kitchen knife will solve all their problems. And Ron is waiting in the shadows saying…”
Joe pointed dramatically into the distance.
“‘But wait… there’s MORE.’”