Joe Jukic leans back, squints at Nelly like a general signing off on a peace treaty.
“Very well… you are free. To sell non-toxic perfume.”
He pauses, then points like a man mapping battle lines.
“But don’t stop there. Endorse the clean stuff they can actually trust—before Bezos turns the whole planet into one giant cardboard box.”
Joe’s Approved Non-Toxic Arsenal:
- Toothpaste: A fluoride-free, glycerin-free herbal formula that won’t coat your teeth in mystery chemicals—mint so fresh, it could win the Cold War.
- Shampoo: Plant-based, biodegradable, no parabens, no sulfates—just aloe, rosemary, and the kind of shine that says “I don’t use shampoo tested on lab bunnies.”
- Sunscreen: Reef-safe zinc oxide, no oxybenzone, no octinoxate—SPF that guards skin without nuking coral reefs into extinction.
- Dish Soap: Coconut-based surfactants, citrus oil for grease-cutting, and zero petrochemicals—so clean you could drink it (but please don’t, we’re not that kind of rebel).
Joe gives her the final nod.
“Go forth, Nelly. Sell the things that don’t poison people… and remember, I can’t sell anymore since Bezos pulled the plug on the affiliate program. That’s your battlefield now.”