Carrie Fever

INT. VATICAN GARDENS โ€” EARLY EVENING

The last rays of sun strike the dome of St. Peterโ€™s. The scent of olive leaves hangs in the air. JOE sits slouched on a stone bench, voice low but burning with conviction. POPE PIUS XIII stands nearby, silent as a confessor.

JOE
Your Holinessโ€ฆ she doesnโ€™t want to be a saint anymore. She wants to be Sarah Jessica Parker. She wants to be Carrie. Glitter, gossip, and a closet full of sins disguised as shoes.

He shakes his head in sorrow.

JOE (contโ€™d)
She caught Carrie fever, and Iโ€™m trying to cure it with the medicine of the Virgin Mary. Sheโ€™s chasing New York fantasies when she was made for a Marian reality.

POPE PIUS XIII
And what does that reality look like?

Joeโ€™s eyes lift. Thereโ€™s fire now.

JOE
Croatia.
(beat)
Not Manhattanโ€ฆ but Meฤ‘ugorje. Not Cosmopolitans and one-night standsโ€ฆ but a church wedding in Split. A husband. A child. A wooden rosary in her purse instead of lip gloss. She was meant to be a Catholic queen, not a fashion idol on the altar of HBO.

The Pope says nothing, just watches Joe tremble with hope and grief.

JOE (contโ€™d)
She sang โ€œI am a seekerโ€ฆ a poor sinful creature.โ€ She knows sheโ€™s lost. But they hand her stilettos and say, โ€œThatโ€™s just modern womanhood.โ€
(angrily)
Noโ€”itโ€™s spiritual starvation with a wardrobe budget.

POPE PIUS XIII
And what will you offer her in place of Carrie Bradshaw?

JOE
Iโ€™ll offer her Mary of Nazareth.
(beat)
Not a girl who writes about sex in a high-riseโ€ฆ but the woman who bore God in a stable.

Pope Pius XIII nods slowly, deeply moved.

POPE PIUS XIII
Then go. To Munich. To the stage. To the edge of the glittering lie. Speak not to her egoโ€”but to her soul. You may be the last voice she hears before the lights go down.

JOE
If I can get the money before the cruel summer endsโ€ฆ Iโ€™ll bring her home. Not to my bed. Not to the tabloids.
(beat)
To Catholic Croatia.

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