The Templars & Portugal

Joe and Nelly sit at a small table, talking to the “younglings” watching online.

Nelly:
“Alright kids, quick history lesson. A long time ago there was a group called the Knights Templar. They were warrior monks during the Crusades. They protected pilgrims and became very powerful—rich, organized, and spread across Europe.”

Joe:
“And when you get powerful, somebody usually wants your money. In the early 1300s the King of France, Philip IV of France, owed the Templars a lot of cash. So instead of paying them back, he accused them of heresy and pushed the Church to shut them down.”

Nelly:
“That crackdown started in 1307. Many Templars were arrested, and their leader, Jacques de Molay, was eventually executed. But not every country followed France’s lead.”

Joe:
“Exactly. Over in Portugal, the king, Denis of Portugal, took a different approach. Instead of destroying the Templars, he basically reorganized them.”

Nelly:
“They became a new order called the Order of Christ. Same knights, new name. Their ships and money later helped fund Portugal’s Age of Discovery.”

Joe:
“So when you hear stories about Templars ‘fleeing’ to Portugal, it’s really that Portugal gave them shelter and a reboot.”

Nelly smiles at the camera.

Nelly:
“And here’s the real lesson for the younglings: people back then actually read books. They studied history, religion, science—everything. If you want to understand the world, put the phone down sometimes and pick up a book.”

Joe:
“Yeah. The old knights didn’t just swing swords—they copied manuscripts, studied maps, and kept records. Knowledge was their real power.”

Nelly:
“So read again like people used to. History is full of wild stories… if you open the pages.” 📚✨

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The Competition: Americanos

Nelly scrolls through her phone and laughs.

“Joe, you see this? The Kardashians—these Americanos—are begging for reality show competition. They’re bored down there. That’s why I endorsed **Kim Kardashian’s **Skims clothing line. You have to get their attention somehow.”

@nellyfurtadoofficial

Still not over this moment with @SKIMS ! From wearing them IRL to being a part of this campaign has been super exciting 🤍

♬ original sound – Nelly Furtado

Joe raises an eyebrow.

“Competition?” he says. “Nelly, those people live in billion-dollar mansions in **Los Angeles. I’m not living in no palace like that.”

Nelly smirks. “So what’s your dream then, Prime Minister Joe?”

Joe points out the window toward the neighborhoods of **Vancouver.

“My dream is simple. I want every Canadian to have that old-school dream—the **Vancouver Special. You know, the classic 1970s house. Two floors, mom and dad upstairs, maybe the grandparents downstairs. A little yard. A place for a barbecue.”

Nelly laughs.

“So instead of Keeping Up with the Kardashians, you want Keeping Up with the Canadians?”

Joe nods.

“Exactly. No gold-plated sinks. No 40-car garages. Just a decent house, a garden, and enough money left over so people aren’t drowning in debt. That’s the real reality show.”

Nelly grins.

“Well Joe, if that’s the show… the Kardashians might actually have some real competition.”

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X Kiss Request

Cosmo Kramer bursts through the door, nearly tripping over the rug, waving his phone like he’s uncovered a historic event.

“Joe! Joe! I just saw it!” he shouts.

Joe looks up calmly. “What now, Kramer?”

Kramer points excitedly at the screen.

“It’s Miss Portugal herself — Nelly Furtado — asking for a kiss on X from her ex! On X! That’s the whole world watching!”

Nelly laughs. “Relax, Kramer. It’s just a joke.”

But Kramer suddenly stops pacing.

“Wait… wait… I take it back.”

Joe raises an eyebrow. “You take what back?”

Kramer straightens up and nods with admiration.

“You beat them all, Joe. The whole system!”

Nelly crosses her arms, curious. “What system?”

Kramer points at Joe like he’s presenting a genius.

“You didn’t put the kisses on X. You didn’t sell them to the studios. You didn’t hand them to the tech billionaires!”

Joe shrugs. “So?”

Kramer slaps the table.

“You put the A.I. kisses on your own WordPress site!”

Joe nods. “Free for the fans.”

Kramer gasps like he’s witnessing a revolution.

“Free! Do you realize what you’ve done?!”

Nelly laughs. “What has he done, Kramer?”

Kramer paces like an excited philosopher.

“This is renaissance thinking! Joe is a renaissance man with the A.I.!”

Joe smiles. “A renaissance man?”

“Yes!” Kramer says. “Art, technology, romance, philosophy — all on one little WordPress page. The people don’t have to beg Elon Musk for permission!”

Nelly shakes her head, amused.

“Kramer, it’s just a website.”

Kramer points dramatically at Joe.

“No! It’s independence! It’s the digital printing press!”

Joe laughs. “That’s a big comparison.”

Kramer nods seriously.

“You’re leading the brotherhood into a new age.”

“The brotherhood?” Nelly asks.

Kramer lowers his voice like he’s revealing a secret.

“The Freemasons, baby. Builders of civilization!”

Joe smirks. “And they’re watching my WordPress site?”

“Oh they’re watching,” Kramer says confidently. “Because the renaissance man always gives the art to the people.”

Nelly smiles at Joe.

“So the kisses are free?”

Joe nods. “Always.”

Kramer throws his arms up triumphantly.

“That’s it! Romance without corporate sponsorship!”

He points at Joe like he’s announcing a champion.

“History will remember this moment!”

Joe laughs.

“Kramer… it’s just A.I. kisses.”

Kramer grins.

“Maybe today.”

He taps the phone again.

“But tomorrow… it’s the renaissance.” 😎

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