Author: Yugo Joe

Forget any of this happened. Stay away from people like me.
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Win The Crowd

Dialogue: Winning the Crowd

Joe: Look around, Nelly. The whole world is a circus now. The stands are full, the flags are waving, and the crowd is screaming like it’s the final of the Roman chariot races. The European Union is the new Ancient Rome—bread, spectacle, and the games.

Nelly: The games are on the football pitch now, Joe. That’s where the empire performs. When someone like Cristiano Ronaldo scores a goal, the whole continent cheers together. For a moment, everyone forgets their debts, their problems, their rulers.

Joe: Exactly. That’s the arena. If you win the crowd there—if you win their hearts—you win something bigger than a match.

Nelly: Freedom?

Joe: Yeah. If we win the crowd, we win our freedom. Empires always need the crowd. The moment the people stop cheering, the whole stage collapses.

Nelly: But the crowd always wants a miracle, Joe. They want a hero. A second coming. Someone to save them all.

Joe: I know.

Nelly: They’re waiting for a savior.

Joe: And that’s the problem. you want a savior. You want a second coming. I’m just a guy trying to talk to the people.

Nelly: Then what do we give them?

Joe: Truth. A little courage. Maybe a little showmanship. Enough to make them look up from the circus and realize the crowd itself has the power.

Nelly: That’s a hard sell in a stadium full of noise.

Joe: Maybe. But every empire—Rome, Brussels, whoever—depends on the applause.

Nelly: And if the applause stops?

Joe: Then the crowd walks off the field.

Nelly: You still sound like you’re trying to save them.

Joe: No.

(Joe smiles a little.)

All I can do… is try.

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The Competition: Americanos

Nelly scrolls through her phone and laughs.

“Joe, you see this? The Kardashians—these Americanos—are begging for reality show competition. They’re bored down there. That’s why I endorsed **Kim Kardashian’s **Skims clothing line. You have to get their attention somehow.”

@nellyfurtadoofficial

Still not over this moment with @SKIMS ! From wearing them IRL to being a part of this campaign has been super exciting 🤍

♬ original sound – Nelly Furtado

Joe raises an eyebrow.

“Competition?” he says. “Nelly, those people live in billion-dollar mansions in **Los Angeles. I’m not living in no palace like that.”

Nelly smirks. “So what’s your dream then, Prime Minister Joe?”

Joe points out the window toward the neighborhoods of **Vancouver.

“My dream is simple. I want every Canadian to have that old-school dream—the **Vancouver Special. You know, the classic 1970s house. Two floors, mom and dad upstairs, maybe the grandparents downstairs. A little yard. A place for a barbecue.”

Nelly laughs.

“So instead of Keeping Up with the Kardashians, you want Keeping Up with the Canadians?”

Joe nods.

“Exactly. No gold-plated sinks. No 40-car garages. Just a decent house, a garden, and enough money left over so people aren’t drowning in debt. That’s the real reality show.”

Nelly grins.

“Well Joe, if that’s the show… the Kardashians might actually have some real competition.”

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Just Another Scam

Joe and Nelly sit in front of a laptop reading comments from the internet.

Joe sighs.

“Look at this, Nelly. The audience thinks we’re just another scam. Another hustle.”

Nelly raises an eyebrow. “A scam? After all this?”

Joe scrolls.

“Listen to this one. ‘Look at Matt Damon. He’s just another common thief.’”

Nelly laughs. “They’re calling Bourne a thief now?”

Joe throws his hands up.

“Even Jason Bourne! The world’s greatest CIA super-spy, hunted across Europe, saving the day. And the guy playing him is getting paid twenty million dollars to pretend he knows kung fu.”

Nelly smirks. “Don’t forget the genius.”

Joe nods dramatically.

“Right! The smartest mathematician in the world. The prodigy from Good Will Hunting solving equations nobody else can solve.”

He points at the screen again.

“And the mathematician is still… Matt Damon.”

Nelly leans back in her chair.

“So what are the critics saying, Joe?”

Joe shrugs.

“They say if Matt Damon is such a genius, such a super-agent, such a hero… maybe he should get a real job instead of being paid outrageous sums pretending he is one.”

Nelly laughs.

“Careful, Joe. Hollywood might send Bourne after you.”

Joe shakes his head.

“If Bourne shows up, I’ll give him a keyboard and say, ‘Okay genius, solve the debt crisis.’ Then we’ll see who the real mathematician is.”

Nelly Fan
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