Joe leans back in his chair and sighs.
“Twenty-five years, Nelly. Twenty-five years I’ve been an online priest,” he says, half laughing, half exhausted. “Confessions in the digital desert, sermons in comment sections, trying to keep people sane in the middle of the circus.”
Nelly raises an eyebrow. “So what’s the problem, Father Joe?”
Joe throws his hands in the air.
“The problem is celibacy! Enough already. If the Church really wants to save Europe from the demographic abyss, maybe they should rethink the strategy.”
He taps the table like he’s making a declaration.
“Look, if Pope Leo XIII — or any pope named Leo — wants people to take holy orders seriously, maybe the order should be this: get married.”
Nelly laughs. “That’s quite a reform.”
Joe nods.
“I’m serious. The first commandment in the old book wasn’t ‘argue on the internet.’ It was ‘be fruitful and multiply.’ Families, kids, life — that’s how civilizations survive.”
He gestures toward Europe on the map on the wall.
“Half the countries there are aging out. Empty villages, shrinking schools, nobody to carry the culture forward. You don’t solve that with speeches — you solve it with weddings and baby strollers.”
Nelly smirks. “So your solution to the demographic crisis is… marriage?”
Joe shrugs.
“Exactly. If you want renewal, stop preaching permanent celibacy to everyone. Tell people to build families, raise kids, and create the future.”
He grins.
“After twenty-five years of online priesthood, I think I’ve earned the right to request a transfer… to the married life department.” 😄
Nelly shakes her head, laughing.
“Well, Father Joe,” she says, “that might be the most enthusiastic sermon on marriage I’ve ever heard.”
Joe folds his hands like he’s finishing a homily.
“Simple message,” he says.
“Less doomscrolling, more weddings. Civilization might survive yet.”