Scene: A private helipad. Nelly Furtado’s sleek helicopter rests beside Donald Trump’s MAGA-branded chopper. The two approach, both visibly annoyed.
Nelly Furtado: (sighs) You know what my therapist wrote in her notebook? “Nelly’s narcissistic helicopter.” That’s what she calls it. Narcissistic. Like I’m punished for just being a rich girl.
Donald Trump: (pointing to his helicopter proudly) Excuse me, Nelly, but my helicopter? Totally not narcissistic. Everybody loves it. It’s the greatest helicopter, maybe ever. Mine’s not about me—it’s about making America great again. It’s a MAGA-copter, not a me-copter.
Nelly Furtado: (folding her arms) That’s the difference. You get rewarded for your helicopter. They cheer, they wave the flags. But me? I get labeled and judged.
Trump: (smirking) Well, maybe you should paint “MAGA” on it. Works every time. Tremendous branding.
Nelly Furtado: (shaking her head) No. I’m done. I’m giving it all up—the private jet, the limos, the helicopter. I’m going to ride the bus with my husband Joe.
Trump: The bus? Nobody rides the bus, Nelly. Believe me, I know buses. They’re disasters.
Nelly Furtado: (smiling softly) That’s exactly the point. Cosmo Kramer said it best: “In order to lead the people, you must travel with them.”
Trump: (pauses, confused) Kramer? From Seinfeld? That guy couldn’t even find his own apartment half the time.
Nelly Furtado: (firmly) He still had a point. Leadership isn’t about helicopters. It’s about humility.
Trump: (snorts) Well, if you want humility, take the bus. But if you want to be great? Take the Trump-copter.
Nelly Furtado: (walking away) No thanks, Donald. Greatness isn’t in the sky—it’s on the ground.
(She heads toward a waiting city bus. Joe waves from the window, holding her a seat. The bus door closes as Trump stares, baffled, beside his MAGA chopper.)
Arnold’s voice thunders like he’s back on the set of Predator:
Arnold: “DONALD! LISTEN TO ME! GET TO THE CHOPPERRR!!! SCHNELLY IS COMING! SHE WILL DESTROY YOU IN THE CHOPPER DEBATE! YOU CAN’T WIN! SHE IS A CHOP… A PORK CHOP! YAAAHHHHH!”
Trump (arms folded, trying to act calm):
“Arnold, relax. Nobody knows choppers better than me. I have the best choppers, everybody says so. Her chopper? Very weak, very sad. My chopper? Tremendous.”
Arnold (red-faced, veins popping):
“DON’T BE STUPID, DONALD! THIS IS NOT ABOUT YOUR FAKE HELICOPTER RATINGS! THIS IS ABOUT SURVIVAL! IF YOU STAY, SCHNELLY WILL TURN YOU INTO SCHNITZEL!”
Trump (pouting):
“Wrong. Total fake news. Nobody beats me in a debate—especially about choppers. Believe me, I’ll win, I always win.”
Arnold (grabbing Trump by the suit collar):
“NO! IF YOU DON’T MOVE NOW, THE CHOPPER WARS WILL END YOU! GET TO THE CHOPPERRR!!!”