Give Back Money Day

Scene: A quiet café table in Vancouver.
Sacha Baron Cohen sits with Joe and Nelly Furtado. Cohen has set aside the Borat accent for a moment and is speaking as himself.


Sacha Baron Cohen:
Alright, I’ll put Borat away for a minute, because there’s something people misunderstand about these biblical ideas. When people hear “Jubilee,” they imagine some secret ritual about money. In reality it’s the opposite—it’s an ancient idea about forgiving debt and preventing permanent poverty.

Joe:
The reset button.

Sacha Baron Cohen:
Exactly. In the Hebrew Bible—especially in the Book of Leviticus—there’s this concept called the Jubilee year. Every fifty years the system was meant to reset. Debts forgiven, slaves freed, land returned to the original families.

Nelly:
That sounds incredibly modern for something so ancient.

Sacha Baron Cohen:
It’s radical even now. Imagine telling Wall Street every fifty years: “Right, everyone calm down, give the land back and forgive the debts.” It was a way of saying wealth shouldn’t become permanent dynasties.

Joe:
That’s why people in the modern world tried to revive the idea.

Sacha Baron Cohen:
Yes, exactly. Musicians, activists, church leaders—people like Bono—pushed the idea through the Jubilee debt campaign.

Nelly:
The movement that asked rich countries to forgive debts owed by poor countries.

Sacha Baron Cohen:
Right. The campaign—often called Jubilee 2000—used the biblical Jubilee as inspiration. The idea was simple: if the ancient world understood that endless debt destroys societies, maybe the modern world should remember that lesson.

Joe:
Bono called it a “dove of peace,” didn’t he?

Sacha Baron Cohen:
Yes. The idea that debt forgiveness could be a gesture of peace—like sending out a dove. Instead of punishment, you create stability. Instead of permanent poverty, you give countries a chance to breathe.

Nelly:
It’s funny. People think these religious ideas are about control, but this one is about mercy.

Sacha Baron Cohen:
Exactly. And honestly, if Borat were here, he’d probably ask if he could take out a massive loan in year forty-nine.

Joe:
(laughs) And disappear before the Jubilee.

Sacha Baron Cohen:
Which is precisely why humans are still debating how to make these ideas work today.

Nelly:
Still, the message is beautiful.

Joe:
A world where sometimes… you forgive the debt.

Sacha Baron Cohen:
And occasionally press reset. That’s the spirit of Jubilee. 🕊️

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Our Lady’s Message

Joe speaks quietly to Nelly, almost like he’s thinking out loud about Europe’s future.

“Look, Nelly,” Joe says, “people always argue about what Medjugorje means. Some say the message is only prayer and fasting. But I think it’s bigger than that. Europe is falling into a demographic abyss. Churches are empty, villages are aging, and the next generation is disappearing.”

He gestures toward the horizon.

“Our Lady appeared there in a small village in Bosnia and Herzegovina, but the message could be for all of Europe. Maybe the renewal starts with faith again. Maybe priests and nuns shouldn’t just guard the old traditions — maybe they should help lead people back to life, to family, to children.”

Nelly raises an eyebrow.

Joe continues:

“I’m not saying change the Church overnight. But look at history. Even Pope John Paul II always talked about the ‘culture of life.’ Europe can’t survive if nobody is born anymore. Faith communities used to build families, villages, and entire civilizations.”

He smiles slightly.

“Maybe the message from Medjugorje is simple: prayer, hope… and the courage to rebuild a future. Otherwise Europe turns into a museum.”

Nelly thinks for a moment.

“So you’re saying,” she replies, “Our Lady isn’t just calling people to pray… she’s calling them to rebuild civilization?”

Joe nods.

“Exactly. Out of the demographic abyss.” 🌍✨

“Joe, you know something?” she says. “If that were possible, I’d sign up tomorrow.”

Joe looks confused.

“A nun?” he asks.

Nelly nods.

“Yes. I mean it. I love the idea of devotion, community, prayer… all of that. The beauty of the Church. But I’m also a woman. I would want a family too.”

She pauses for a moment.

“You’re talking about saving Europe from a demographic winter. Well, how can that happen if the most devoted women in the Church are asked to give up motherhood?”

Joe thinks about it.

Nelly continues:

“If I could be a nun and still have a husband and children—serve God and raise a family—I would do it. That would be a powerful example for people. Faith wouldn’t look like renouncing life… it would look like embracing it.”

Joe nods slowly.

“You know,” he says, “that sounds a little like the early Christians.”

Nelly smiles.

“Exactly. People forget that. The Church wasn’t always organized the way it is now.”

She glances toward the hills.

“Maybe the message of Medjugorje is simply reminding people that faith should bring life back into the world.”

Joe chuckles.

“So your plan to save Europe,” he says, “is married nuns?”

Nelly shrugs playfully.

“Well… if it works.” 😄

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First Virtual Date

[Scene: Virtual moon base. A glowing futuristic soup stand labeled “APOLLO MED BEDS – NO CHIT-CHAT, NO DEALS.” Joe stands behind the counter in a crisp white uniform with a dramatic mustache prop. Nelly’s next to him, arms crossed, smirking. Trump approaches in his signature suit and red tie, looking impatient.]

Trump: (leaning in, gesturing big) Joe, Nelly—tremendous to see you. Beautiful setup here on the moon. Very high-tech. I hear my health is fading a little—fake news says it’s bad, but believe me, it’s not that bad. But these Space Force generals and admirals? They won’t hand over the Apollo healing program med beds unless I heal everybody for free. Ridiculous! I’m ready to make a deal. A beautiful deal. The best deal.

Joe: (stern, pointing sharply) No talking! Step forward. State your order. One med bed? Point to it. Pay the price: free healing for the people. No negotiations. Move left!

Trump: (blinking) Wait a second. Free healing? For everybody? That’s socialism! I’m talking about a win-win. I get the bed, I feel fantastic—better than ever, folks say I look 30—and then maybe later we trickle down some youth serum. Tremendous plan.

Nelly: (rolling her eyes, leaning on the counter) Oh, please. We’ve heard the pitch. The Admirals won’t budge. You want immortality tech? You heal the masses first. No shortcuts. No Art of the Deal loopholes.

Trump: (waving hand) Nelly, sweetheart, you’re tough. I like tough. But listen—I’m the one who created the Space Force! Me! I can get those generals on the phone right now. We’ll make immortality great again. For me first, obviously. Then everybody else. It’s called sequencing.

Joe: (voice rising, finger snap ready) Sequencing? No! Rules are rules! You think you can waltz in here and bargain? This isn’t Mar-a-Lago! I am the Immortality Nazi! One wrong word…

Trump: (leaning closer, lowering voice) Come on, Joe. Between us—Nelly too—you two seem like smart people. Vancouver vibes, right? Rainy, polite. Let’s cut a side deal. I’ll throw in some NFTs. Golden Trump med bed commemoratives. Huge value.

Nelly: (laughing) NFTs? For eternal life? Nice try.

Joe: (dramatic pause, eyes narrowing) You broke the rules. You chit-chatted. You negotiated!

Trump: (hands up) Hold on! I’m Donald J. Trump! I don’t break rules—I make them!

Joe & Nelly: (in unison, pointing dramatically) NO IMMORTALITY FOR YOU!!!

[A holographic med bed pod slides away with a dramatic whoosh. Trump’s handed a tiny glowing “deposit refund” token that fizzles out.]

Trump: (stunned, stepping back) This is rigged! Totally rigged! I’ll be back in one year—stronger, younger, believe me!

Nelly: (calling after him) One year! And bring proof of free healing—or no soup—er, no immortality—next time!

Joe: (smirking at Nelly) Classic. Works every time.

Nelly: (grinning) Your turn to pick the next virtual stop, Joe. Paris? Tokyo? Or do we chase Trump to Argentina where the original Soup Nazi retired?

Trump: (fading into the hologram distance, yelling) You’ll regret this! The med beds will be mine! Tremendous comeback coming!

[Fade out on Joe and Nelly high-fiving behind the stand, virtual moon glowing behind them.]

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