ILLUMINUTTY

Borat Interviews Jim Carrey & Nelly Furtado on Their “ILLUMINUTTY” Hand Signs

Borat: “Jagshemash! Today I am here with two very big Hollywood peoples: Jim Carrey, the rubber man, and Nelly Furtado, the bird lady who fly like one. I have question: When you do the Illuminutty hand sign—yes, this one, the triangle of power—are you signaling to mighty warlord George W. Bush so he can fulfill ancient Bible prophecy? Or are you just making shadow puppets?”


Jim Carrey:

Jim: “Borat, buddy, the ‘Illuminutty’ sign is just me making fun of the people who think I’m in a secret squirrel club. If I wanted to summon George Bush, I’d just whisper ‘oil’ into the wind and he’d appear on a Segway.”
He makes the triangle, sticks his tongue through it:
“Behold, the all-seeing nut!”


Nelly Furtado:

Nelly: “Borat… the only prophecy I’m fulfilling is showing up on time for soundcheck. The hand sign? That was just me trying to fix my hair under the light. If the Illuminutty want me, they can leave a voicemail.”


Borat’s Follow-Up:

Borat: “So you are telling me George Bush is not riding a pale horse, drinking gasoline, and bringing the end times like in Revelation chapter… all of them?”

Jim: “No, Borat. W isn’t the pale horse guy. He’s more like the guy who gets lost on the way to the apocalypse and shows up with pretzels.”

Nelly: “Yeah, the only thing George Bush is fulfilling is the prophecy of Dad Jokes.”


Borat’s Final Remark:

Borat: “Very nice. I now understand: Illuminutty hand sign is just Hollywood peoples stretching fingers, not secret signal for warlord prophecy. Thank you Jim Carrey, thank you Nelly Furtado. May your triangles always be equilateral.”**

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War of Terror

Borat Interviews Nelly Furtado on the American “War of Terror”

Borat:
“Jagshemash! I am here with world-famous songstress Nelly Furtado. She fly like bird, yes? Today we discuss the American War of Terror. Very excite! Nelly, tell me… why America start this war? Is it because George W. Bush is mighty warlord who drink gasoline for breakfast?”

Nelly Furtado:
“Well… that’s a very Borat way of putting it. The U.S. started these wars for political, economic, and historical reasons—not to drink gasoline.”

Borat:
“No? In my country, all warlords drink gasoline. My cousin Bilo do this once—he become human flamethrower for 30 seconds. Very sad, very beautiful.”

Nelly:
“I’m sorry about Bilo… but the truth is, the ‘War on Terror’ turned into something much darker. It caused destruction in Iraq and Afghanistan and destabilized millions of lives.”

Borat:
“Yes… my neighbor Nursultan say America drop so many bomb in Afghanistan that camel begin to glow in dark. Is true?”

Nelly:
“The wars definitely caused damage, trauma, and chaos. And the political leaders who pushed for it never really faced accountability.”

Borat:
“Ahh yes… George Bush. In Kazakhstan we call him ‘Shah of Boom-Boom Oil.’ I hear he choose target by throwing darts at map while shouting ‘Yeeee ha!’ Is this correct?”

Nelly:
“Honestly… not far off. The choices were reckless, and a lot of people suffered for it.”

Borat:
“Very nice. So Nelly Furtado, do you believe warlord Bush drink gasoline because he think it make him strong like tractor?”

Nelly:
“If he did, it sure didn’t help his decisions.”

Borat (whispering to camera):
“This interview make me learn very important lesson: in America, terrorists always hide under bed, so government must spend trillion dollar to keep people afraid. In Kazakhstan, we solve fear by locking door and sleeping with shovel.”

Nelly:
“Maybe the world should listen to the shovel strategy.”

Borat:
“Chenqui. High five!”

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Someone For Kylie

Solid Snake, Nelly Furtado & Kylie Minogue — “Hot Like Chile”

INT. DIMLY LIT OPS ROOM – NIGHT

Solid Snake stands against a wall of glowing monitors, arms crossed, voice low and gravelly. Nelly Furtado scrolls through intel dossiers on a tablet glowing purple under the neon lights.

SNAKE:
Nelly… we’ve got a situation. Kylie Minogue contacted me on the codec. Said she’s looking for someone “hot like Chile.”
Lucky for her… I know a guy.

NELLY:
laughs softly Snake, you actually know a Chilean hottie?

SNAKE:
His name’s Emmanuel. Smooth, smart, sings like Victor Jara on a good day. Guy dodges drones better than I do.
But listen—if I’m gonna set this up… I need something from you.

NELLY:
Oh boy. What’s the mission?

SNAKE:
Build me an introduction. Get Kylie to agree to meet Emmanuel.
If you do that… I’ll build her the greatest Kylie Minogue Fan Page the internet has ever seen.
I’m talking holographics, dance remixes, archives from the Neighbours era, even secret unreleased tracks if I can infiltrate the servers.

NELLY:
Deal. Kylie loves romance and retro fan pages. I’ll get her onboard.
But Snake… you’re gonna have to talk to her yourself.


CODEC CALL – KYLIE MINOGUE

Kylie appears on Snake’s codec screen, all golden light and mischievous smile.

KYLIE:
Snake, darling! Nelly says you’ve found me someone “hot like Chile.”
Tell me everything.

SNAKE:
His name’s Emmanuel—Chile’s finest. You two together might cause a temperature spike the UN would classify as a climate event.
But before we proceed… I need intel.

KYLIE:
laughing Go on.

SNAKE:
Is Australia… still a prison colony?
Word on the battlefield is it’s run by the ghost of Dr. Kidman and his colleagues. I need confirmation.

KYLIE:
tilts head Snake, Australia hasn’t been a prison colony in centuries.
And Dr. Kidman? He only runs Hollywood from beyond the grave, not Canberra.
But I’ll overlook your misinformation this time… if Emmanuel is truly as “hot like Chile” as you promise.

SNAKE:
I never exaggerate on mission reports.
Prepare for impact, Kylie. The heat index is rising.

Kylie winks and closes the codec.


NELLY:
Mission accomplished?

SNAKE:
Not yet.
Now I build the fan page…
and Australia stabilizes—for now.

Snake lights a cigarette. Somewhere, Emmanuel checks his phone and sees a message from Destiny itself.

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